I went to ModCloth hoping to write a “Help Curb Jessica’s Impulse Shopping!” post, but I got too distracted by the fuggo batch of shoes. Sorry, guys!

Maybe if you’re a Rainbow Brite themed stripper? (Spectacular Spectrum Wedge, $159)



It looks like an animal print condom for your ankles. (Leopard-y Time! Excellent! wedge, $149)

Ironic name choice? (The Greatest Shoe on Earth, $49.99)


If Jessica Simpson were personified as a shoe, this would be it. (Sunset Beach Heel, $132)


Nude ankle straps? That’s going to make my legs look SO LONG. (Perusing the Piazza flat, $84.99)