In between the random thoughts that entail procrastination, I had a pretty great realization.
The story starts out with my current college roommate. My roommate is one of the prettiest girls I know. She’s also REALLY smart in every subject and…guess what? She has natural charm and humor. I’m not going to deny being jealous of her and even resenting her at times. Her loving family doesn’t compare to the broken pieces of mine.
It’s not even like I only know her on a superficial level and can only see the surface of her life. As her roommate for two years, she’s open to me about everything and I’ve gotten a pretty good look into her life…and it’s pretty damn close to perfect. She even tells me how happy she is with her life. Oh, and that $500 gift card she just randomly won today? Just another sign that god remembered her and forgot about me.
Then I thought about it. In all the time that I had when i was procrastinating. I realized I was actually blessed in a beautiful, but equally horrible way. I understand and emphasize with what it is like to be struggling, to hurt, to fight, to cry. I remember I had a conversation a few months ago with another friend who was telling me this and at that time I wouldn’t listen. When life is falling apart around you, why would you believe that you are actually lucky?
Yeah, my roommate may go through life with everything she’s ever wanted. But I think I gained more through life through struggling so damn hard.
I understand the girl with the eating disorder. I was her. I understand the lonely person standing at the edge of the party. I am still her. I am the college student studying late into the night trying to boost my 3.2 GPA and pondering if I will even get a job after I graduate. I am the daughter who supported her mother through a painful divorce and lived her childhood with an unemployed father. I am the girl who stares in the mirror wondering “when will a guy like me?”
All of this makes me who I am. I just need to learn how to appreciate this.
That’s something that my roommate lacks. Empathy. Today at dinner, she made fun of an awkward student that she recently met. My roommate isn’t mean-spirited, she was just trying to bring a little humor into the conversation. I started laughing, then realized that it wasn’t funny at all. If I hadn’t been her friend for as long as I have, she very well likely could have been making fun of me as well.
I have a passion to address the injustices that I witness in the world. 15,000 kids die each day from hunger related sickness. The people of Libya and Egypt need to have their voices heard loud and clear in the international community. Climate change is predicted to result in millions of climate refugees before 2050. My experiences in life have led me to develop these passions and I know that I will work the rest of my life to address these global issues. I know that it was my own struggles that lead me to open my eyes to the struggles of others. It’s a hard concept to appreciate, but I accept where I am at in life.
Do you resonate with this?