Lovelyish

Good blog. I liked this a lot. 

i love this post…you sound alot like me!! and actually I think people like this have a better understanding of life..:) thanks for posting this..:)

I like how you saw a positive take to what you’ve gone through. I do agree that maybe girls like your roommate may not be able to understand certain things, unless she went through something painful. I can totally relate to you more than her.

I love this and you’re totally right!
Be glad for the person you become.

it’s terrible to say, but if she hasn’t had any rough times in her life, it’s only a matter of time before she does.  no one gets a perfect life.

her life will come crashing down on her one day. 

the ‘perfect’ life only lasts so long. 

I ran this through google translator, english to BS, and what came out:
“I think I’m better than this girl.  Thank goodness.”

Honestly, kudos to you for getting through tough stuff, but if there’s one thing I learned from reading people’s non-fiction essays over and over in my writing classes, is that you don’t even know the first thing about this girl if you think you’re the only one of the two of you who has gone through really tough shit.   I’ve found out that many people I would have written off as “perfect” and maybe “lacking a little empathy” have actually been through really horrible, terrible things- parents dying, abortions, rapes, cheating parents who use holocaust research as a cover for their infidelity, et cetera.  

Before you critique her “lack of empathy,” it’s probably worth examining the faults in your own moral compass.   After all, you did laugh at the joke, and your reaction was probably as thought out as her comment.   Maybe it was tasteless but one comment does not a sociopath make.  

Absolutey. I don’t regret any of my experiences either, as painful as some have been. This is a wonderful post. Thank you. 

exactly,
i was thinking about this today &
now i have a better outlook

(:

Great post. And yes, this does resonate with me.

oh love love loove this

=) It made me smile. I totally understand! Thank you for sharing, and putting it into such eloquent words.

Maybe her life isn’t as perfect as you think.  Not everyone spills all the hardships out.  Some keep it very, very private. 

But I get what you say about going through rough times and how that can make you a more understanding person.  It also may not… just depends on the person. 

Crap happens unfairly.  I know people who seem to always get crap.  It’s sad.  It’s not fair.  It’s life though.

Maybe she doesn’t feel as lucky as you think she is.  We don’t know how she perceives herself truly, and maybe there are things you don’t know about her life.  I really don’t think there is much difference in our lives, we all go through obstacles and it’s about perception.  At first you thought that you were more unlucky than her, but now that you’ve changed your perception, you feel perhaps more blessed than her.  Funny how that works isn’t it?  Ultimately that’s what it’s about, it’s how you choose to see the world.

@ScarletMoth@xanga - True, but how does one ever find that out? Most people will never say anything and just keep up on appearances. But sometimes one has to assume with what they perceive and observe even if it’s not the whole story. It’s ridiculous to try and figure out if every single person one meets and befriends is going through some bad stuff or they don’t have a perfect life. Honestly, we are given information and regardless of how incomplete it may be, we have to go on until it is corrected. We have no choice but to assume. We can’t worry about someone else all the time or about what their life entails. We should worry about ourselves and our own hardships. I’m sure that I’m not the only person that goes through bad times, but since no one talks about it, how am I suppose to know if others do? Asking really doesn’t solve anything either and one shouldn’t have to be worried about everyone’s life story.Maybe this girl really has a perfect life. We don’t know. No one knows except for the girl herself and whomever she decides to tell. 

I totally feel you. I guess those of us who are still in that phase of not being completely happy with ourselves will get there somehow, some time. Kudos to you for reaching that point where you are comfortable with who you are and appreciating what you have been given.

I understand and emphasize with what it is like to be struggling, to hurt, to fight, to cry. <—- This annoyed me too much to not say anything, sorry. It’s empathize not emphasize. 

Everyone has different experiences.  No one has a “perfect” life.  Yes, she might have things you don’t have, but that doesn’t mean her life is perfect.  It just means her life is different.

@ScarletMoth@xanga - I’m surprised so many people agreed with her instead of thinking like you! It’s as if she thinks “that girl” has no soul because her life is supposedly perfect.

sometimes people that think they know me might perceive me as “that girl” or the spoiled rotten girl although I’m not rich. I have a sweet charm that often gets me what I want. one time someone said to me, “what do you have to worry about?!?” well, just because I don’t verbally tell everything in details doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about things, care about other people, or other things that this drama queen female that I used to know does on a regular basis to get sympathy from people I understand the outcast and I also understand the popular people because I’ve been both. then when I explain things to people, sometimes they say that I’m being too serious or defensive rather than listening to my story, some people talk to me in an accusatory manner, thus I’ll react accordingly.

anyway, I share similar sentiments as scarletmoth.

I love this and it’s hit home. 

@ScarletMoth@xanga - I agree.

Lack of empathy? Is she trying to say everyone that hasn’t gone through shit in their lives have no empathy towards others?

love this post and totally resonates with me.

From the outside I look like a perfect put together girl, but I’ve been through a lot too.  I understand what you’re saying, but there are people that have had it worse.  Just because you’ve been through worse doesn”t mean you’ll fight harder or you necessarily understand every issue involved in struggle.

Keep that in mind.  Keep your head high.

@ScarletMoth@xanga - Good comment.

To the poster –I think the takeaway message of learning to see the positive sides of our hardships is a good message.  However, it would have been better if you framed it as such on its own, rather than tearing down another girl to build yourself up.  It’s a really good message, but including the stuff about your roommate just makes it seem like you’re insecure and trying to find a way to feel better about yourself. 

Fantastic post – real talk.. !

@Hinase@xanga - I agree that we can’t ever know a person’s whole story; however I completely disagree that it is necessary to make assumptions about their character because we lack these stories, especially if these assumptions cast them in a disparaging light.   We do have a choice when it comes to making assumptions- rather than assuming someone is spoiled or has had an easy life, we can assume we do not know at all what their life is like.   And if we really want to get a more clear view on the truth, then we can ask questions.    That’s why the question mark exists in the english language, right?   So that we can use it.

 If you aren’t curious about everyone’s lives, that’s fine, but I can guarantee you that there is not one person alive that has had a perfect life, and if one doesn’t ask it doesn’t necessarily mean one has a right to assume things.  

@kuroshitsuji@xanga - yeah, good point.  I’ll be the first to admit my life hasn’t been too hard- my parents have financially supported me for the most part until graduation and I have known few deaths or serious hardships.  But I don’t think this means I lack the ability to care deeply about other people, or that I need to experience these things in order to care.  And I’m sure the author didn’t really mean to imply that about other people but that was definitely an undertone in this piece. 

this is beautiful.

thank you for writing this

@ScarletMoth@xanga - Questions are only as good as someone willing to answer or be truthful. That’s the only problem with that. I don’t have all the time in the world to get to know everyone’s life story while hardly dealing with my own problem. Unfortunately, we have to make assumptions, maybe not on their lives but on their person just by interacting with them or observing them. Regardless, we won’t ever know everyone’s life story. It’s impossible to ask everything under the sun if no subject is given. A starting point has to be had. We can’t just begin nowhere. And unfortunately, we have to assume and judge because we are only human and that is what we do regardless if we are conscious of it or not. But that’s just my opinion on it =D And you are entitled to yours and that’s fine. And I completely respect that. 

This post actually almost brought me to tears.

I am in a similar situation with my best friend, however, unlike you, I have decided to grow apart from her, only half to see if she would look back and see that she had left me behind.  And she really hasn’t.  I am there for her as an accessory, as a mode of fun or time to pass when she isn’t busy with everything else.  I’m sure that my initial moving back has turned her even more into this person, but it just goes to show what friendships truly mean something to people as we perceive them.

This girl is also many of the things you have mentioned.  She has had rough edges in her life, but they have all been superficial rough edges (although, I am sure that is not how she sees them to be).  Today, I am wherever I am because of my own hard decisions, my own hard work, and most of all, my struggle.  I wasn’t handed many opportunities on a silver platter, and it is at this age that I am coming to understand that.  I wish I could see this as positively as you do, but right now, the loss of losing someone that I had considered so close, to see that I mean almost nothing to them, just hurts too much.

This is beautiful. You are beautiful .

@Hinase@xanga - I agree that we can’t always ask questions or get truthful answers- that would take way too long.   But even as we make assumptions, I think it’s possible to keep in the forefront of our minds that although we are using these assumptions to place people into little mind categories for easy retrieval, they all run deeper than that.   Every single person has something dark in their past.   And Idk.   I think just keeping this in mind can keep us a bit more humble and cognizant of the complexity of everyone around us.  

@ScarletMoth@xanga - True. It would be easier if all people did this. I wish they did =( Though even considering this, you’re way above some leagues of people I know. It’s good to know that you don’t rely on assumptions when meeting people or getting to know them. We need more of this thinking in our lives and if we did, we could accept the diversity and complexity of individual people. I try not to do it myself. I just have so many bad things happening at this moment, I’m kind of stuck and it’s really hard to pay attention to everyone at this moment. Whee, you made me think and I think I quite enjoyed this. Thanks =D 

I feel like both you and your roomate at the same time.
When I think about my life I think I’ve been super blessed, never experienced any real loss, cruising along, healthy, smart, kinda pretty if I put effort, etc. But then I wonder why am I still so upset with life? Because I have a void that can only be filled with company of friends and I have so much trouble opening up to people that I don’t really have new friends in college, let alone a love life, and the fast quarter system doesn’t help much, either. And I’m a second year! D:

i think that makes you more beautiful than any other girl you compare yourself to

I don’t know if I can believe that someone has a “perfect” life.  I just don’t think anything or anyone could be considered “perfect.”  You lived with this girl for 2 years and you said that she tells you everything?  I still believe that people will keep at least 1 secret to themselves.  How much about this girl do you know?  We only know as much about a person as the person wants us to know.  Maybe this girl has a history and doesn’t want it revealed, so she makes her life look perfect to avoid being questioned.  Or maybe this girl’s life seem happier and less difficult than yours, so you see her life as perfect.  Or she could be as you said, where she’s always had support in her life and never face real emotional problems.  How would you really know?  Our judgement of people is based on the information given to us by the people, so who is to say that it won’t be biased?  People have their own difficulties that they struggle with, which are different from anyone else’s, but never the less, they have some.  

I’m happy that you’ve learned to appreciate and love yourself for who you are including your struggles in life.  But perhaps this girl has more to her than you may know of, so rather than your post title being “I’m Glad I’m Not That Girl,” I think it should be something like, “I’m Glad to be Me.”

I understand you. Normally I would tell someone, oh don’t compare yourself to others, but let’s be honest here, she’s your roommate and you’re witnessing her “perfection” often and first hand.  Well, I totally get you anyway. I feel the same way, so often I’ll see these gorgeous girls, then I secretly think, oh well, they’re probably not as smart as I am or as caring. Sometimes I might be right, sometimes I might be wrong lol. It’s a way to cope! How else are we going to have self esteem in this world with so much beautiful, talented, intelligent competition?!

Haha, but what I really empathize with is the odd-girl out sensation.  I often found myself missing a partner or a group during assignments, sports, or whatever.  Because of that, when I am with others I always make sure to speak to other quiet people, or others that look a little out of place.  I feel their pain, I still find myself in those situations quite often and that makes me a better person.  Keep doing what you’re doing and go with your passion.  It will make you great someday (greater than you are now) and try not to let those gorgeous people get to you lol. All that glitters isn’t gold, others may be lacking somewhere they don’t even realize yet.  Focus on yourself and wonderful things will happen, it seems to be working for me…

beautifully written : )

I guess I was “that girl” until I came to college. I’d rather be that girl though, I don’t like the trials I’ve been through these past few years.

I can’t claim to know either you or your roommate, but all I have to say is that in my experience, everyone, no matter how “perfect” or not they seem on the outside, has problems and insecurities and days when they feel like crap. We all have days when we “aren’t that girl”.

i’m the cross between you and your roommate, and i love what you have to say here, but i want you to know that although you’ve had it rough, you can still be happy too if you try to make the best of everything!

@ScarletMoth@xanga - holy moley.. i was thinking the same

this girl may not be as open with you as you think and i laffed really hard at the 500 dollar gift card thing huh??. youre comparing your lives on the wrong aspects, and the problem actually comes from you comparing your lives at all. therefore of course its gunna look uneven. i have been friends with people since elementary school and they dont even know half the things i go thru and i dont know too much of what goes on with them honestly but ii would never put them in a position by saying they just dont understand.. its not fair and its not true.

Great post, great insight. It really makes me think about a lot of things

you cant just assume that her life is so perfect and saying that she doesnt have empathy for other people is pretty fucked up, just because she seems pretty to you and just because her family seems perfect to you. 

you’re the one judging

@Hinase@xanga - been reading your comments; I agree with a lot – not all – of what you say about making assumptions about other people and what they choose to share, etc.and enjoyed the perspective. I think this might give a bit of extra perspective:

Think about all the hurtful things you’ve ever experienced or even simply thought about yourself or others before. Those things you’ve never told anyone in your life and you know you never would. If you’re not sharing these things, then plenty of others aren’t sharing either. We’re not alone in our secrets, even! But they often separate us and make one of us believe that a friend probably has “the perfect life” simply because they’ve never been anything other than happy and positive in front of us. Not a good way to look at our fellow human beings..

So the safest assumption we could make isn’t that if someone isn’t telling us at least a few of their hardships, that those hardships don’t exist… but that if they’re not sharing much of the bad stuff, it’s probably stuff they want to hide. We all have skeletons.
Hope that isn’t too presumptuous of me to offer.

@Hinase@xanga - haha you’re welcome and for the record I’m hardly perfect, and I make assumptions all the time, but like I said I’ve had some really eye opening experiences at school where girls that literally could have been the roommate in this post- completely perfect from the outside- actually had a lot of complex stuff going on and you would just never ever know from looking at them.  

I wrote one girl off as just “oh one of those blond sorority girls” because she seemed just bubbly and kind of there, kind of not, all the time, and then at the end of the semester she read a really powerful essay about how she had grown up homeless for many years after her mother was addicted to drugs and her whole family fell apart and she only talks to her sister now.   and it blew me away, the level at which I had completely written over her narrative that was in all honesty very complex, deep, and painful.   It was a good slap in the face for me :p

Thank you to everybody who has read my story!  I hope it has made you reflect upon the pursuit of perfection that many of us put ourselves through.  Of course, my roommate isn’t the model of perfection (nobody is); rather, I’ve only expressed how I often view her to be.  I love her as one of my closest friends, and this is my story of how I’m appreciating my life instead of wishing I was her.  

Originally this was a personal blog post intended only for myself, but I’m glad I decided to submit it because it seems to have touched so many people.   I still struggle everyday but I’m getting closer to understanding the value that each struggle adds to my life.

i used to know these girls who live this totally sheltered life. they’ve only been in serious relationships, never got in trouble, heaven forbid they kiss a boy before seven years into a marriage… they’d all be so shocked the minute a pebble was thrown into the window of their perfect lives. guess we can’t all live like that…

I stopped reading this post when you said ” I understand and emphasize with what it is like to be struggling, to hurt, to fight, to cry.”  You are a moron. 
And seriously, where are the editors?

@ScarletMoth@xanga - … what the fuck?

@ScarletMoth@xanga - Yeah, you might not be perfect but you do have a good mindset about it. I try my hardest not to do it either..because I never know how people will actually be or how people are actually hurting. Maybe I understand this best, because I’m fronting most of the time myself and don’t let people see the bad side of myself or the hurt. I just let other make the assumptions, that I’m happy. But yeah, I’m sure it was.

@BloodIsLove@xanga - No, it’s not =D I completely understand what you’re saying. Actually I’m probably one of  those people that doesn’t share anything with hardly anyone especially my troubles and pain and I know how to put up the appearance of being happy. In reality I’m miserable and sad but I don’t let it spill over to my social face, to my friends or family. But I understand, I guess I should try to think it as you say-

So the safest assumption we could make isn’t that if someone isn’t telling us at least a few of their hardships, that those hardships don’t exist… but that if they’re not sharing much of the bad stuff, it’s probably stuff they want to hide. We all have skeletons.
Thanks =D I’ll remember and keep that with me.

I feel ya. But sometimes knowing that doesn’t make me feel better. Just sometimes.

I think you’d be surprised at what even those closest to you can keep from you. I know even my best friends don’t know half of what’s going on in my head. Just because everything seems perfect for your friend doesn’t mean it is.

Your roommate is mediocre, sounds extremely boring to me. Then again, you do too.

If I could rec this post again I would, its a great post. I agree with every bit of it. It’s not about doggin on happy people, but the truth of the matter is people who have led sheltered ‘perfect’ lives couldn’t possibly understand the full extent of the other’s problems. Do we wish harm/sadness on others? No, but as a consequence of whatever life has led to people can form a them vs me outlook on life. It’s the same as having a friend say ‘I know how you feel’ when they’ve never been in the same situation and you’re left thinking NO YOU DONT!

Again, a really good post.

You should be happy with yourself standing on your own, not compared to anyone else.

That you mentioned your roommate’s lack of empathy seems to be your desire to find something wrong with her.I understand that emotion, but it’s a bad one, and not one to celebrate.

Amen.

The “perfect” girl… ever think she has gone through shit? Maybe she’s learned from life as well, and takes life as it comes, and has a positive outlook. Just because someone seems to glide through life, doesn’t mean they have had everything easy. Maybe you have gone through more seriously life-changing stuff, but what’s important to remember is that you are you, and accountable for only you. You can’t compare your life to anyone else’s. 

@ScarletMoth@xanga - That’s what I understood.  I am glad my BSometer is still working.
__________________________

I could have agreed with this post had you left the part about
your roommate out.  It makes you seem just as petty, shallow, and
lacking in empathy as you accuse your roommate of being. Of course your experiences in life make you who you are, but you do not have to go through tragedy to become a stronger, more courageous, etc person. 

Your life is your life and hers is hers.  Why make comparisons?  Why spend your time looking for her imperfections instead of working on your own life and fixing yours?  I promise you that I was the girl that everyone thought had everything together when underneath it all everything was falling a part.  I was just too much of a perfectionist to let anyone know.  It’s why I never assume that anyone has a better life than mine just because of their appearances (the person that they let everyone see).

You boast your empathy, but there’s obviously something you’re missing about this girl. She’s not a story book character. No one is so one-sided.

I can completely relate to the sentiment of this post, and a few years ago I would have been like “Hell yes, thank you.“  But now I have sort of adapted more of an empathy towards everybody attitude.  The truth is that there will always be people with a better life than you, but there will always be people who have it a lot worse than you too.  And even people with the most perfect-looking lives or even people that act like they have a happy, perfect life have problems or will eventually have problems sooner or later.

Actually, this post made me think of me and my sister.  She is sort of “that girl”…bubbly, outgoing, smart, ridiculously musically talented (she has perfect pitch!), has always been pretty thin and has naturally long, thick, blonde hair.  Whereas I have always struggled with weight problems, depression, shyness and social awkwardness, etc.  But I have never really felt any resentment or major jealousy because she’s my little sis and I love her  

@pretty_inx_plaid@xanga - what the fuck what?

I’m “that girl”. Here’s what I think, I have been thru some rough paths in my life but when I tell my story to everyone else, they ‘re like wow you’re so amazing..pretty..so smart… and your bf loves soooo much…I want a bf like yours.. and your accent…etc ….. The only thing I changed is my  outlook of life , my perspective of how to see it. It changed so dramatically that my charm and personality changed with it.
My point is, I learned to appreciate life for what it is and I’ve never been so happy as I am today. Everything in my liffe I consider perfect, even my friends consider my life perfect. But it’s how we try to make every horrible thing about us “perfect.” I dont know if you get it but…learn to value yourself and appreciate everything that you have in life and you would become “her.”

When you really learn how to appreciate life, you will feel those moments that I feel as if “I’m the happiest girl in the entire world!” it’s an amazing feeling..;)

Trust me, I know what you mean… And in reality  is, my life has some very sad moments also just like “that girl does”…I won’t lie to you. .

i love this. everything you said sounds like things i’ve said/thought before. i’m glad that i’ve had some struggles in my life because without them i wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate everything. they’ve given me perspective, which is priceless.

and i don’t think the author is saying people who haven’t struggled don’t have empathy… but i agree that in general, those with good lives tend to take lots of things for granted. if you haven’t had to fight for your happiness before how would you be able to truly appreciate how valuable & hard to achieve it is? maybe some can. but those who have had battles in life have earned a different perspective on things.

Her life isn’t perfect, she’s just not showing her flaws or bad stuff in her life.

I’m like that too, and my best friend is pretty muh like your roomate. She’s pretty intelligent has a loving family and no financial worries. I’ve been bullied, had plastic surgery an eating disorder rather average school grades my father doesnt want to be in touch with me and when I was young y mum had cancer. I think these things are what makes people more ‘grounded’. I know who I am and I basically like this person. I hate injustice too and I always say it when I see it. I think I have some very good close friends because people know they can trust in me. Knowing what I find right and wrong also helps to not have any complicated bitchy realtionships. I avoid the wrong people because I know i don’t need them. In my grown-up life I never had any false friends and I was never being the mean bitch either. At school I was afraid of the mean people, but as I get older I see that they are cutting their own flesh and becoming very unpopular.I als don’t fee the need to ‘be cool’ as I did when i was younger, and that too saves me alot of stress. I am not perfectly ‘balanced’ yet, but I think I will get there and be happier and more content with my life and myself than most people. I think being rather mature has many advantages.

@ScarletMoth@xanga - Agreed. On the outside, anyone can look perfect if they try hard enough. But assuming that nothing horrible has ever happened to her is too judgmental. Sometimes putting on a show is how people deal with their issues; keeping them locked up, putting a smile on, thinking it’s of no one else’s business.That’s how I am. I only open up to one or two people, and even with them I don’t say everything. No one’s perfect

i’ve been chewing the same words for a while now.if anything good has come out of my eating disorder and struggles is that i’ve learned to accept people and empathize. i’d never make fun of crazy cat ladies and hermits who stay in on friday nights.nobody’s perfect and everyone has their own beauty. we just need to seek it out…and i may as well be on the long, rocky road of seeking my own out.

I love this post. I never thought I would ever NOT want to be ‘THAT girl’ until now. 

Thanks. 

this sounds like jealousy to me.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling sad, depressed, unhappy with something in my life, or just feeling blue for no reason, I like to make a list of everything that I have and am lucky to have.  The items on the lists can include really basic things, such as food, water, home, and a roof, and pretty small things too, such as having a lunch for the day.  

I just try to put everything I can on there, even random things like “remembering to bring my agenda to this class.”  I write down basically anything that’s not negative, and I find that it’s really effective in cheering me up in a short amount of time, and makes me feel grateful for what I do have, rather than being sad about what I don’t : )

i came to this realization awhile back. yeah, my life hasn’t been the best, but there’s nothing i can do to change what’s happened in the past, i can only look to the future. it makes me happy that i can use my negative experiences to help my friends that are struggling. and i think that everything bad that has happened to me has made me a stronger person.

Wonderful (:

As much as you claim to know someone, it’s a lot harder then you would think to really know them. People struggle in their own way in life, and the truth is everyone struggles with something at some point. 

i love this

i too after what had happened last week, i realize i experienced life better:)
its depend on ourselves:0

@kuroshitsuji@xanga - I’m not taking sides, but I feel the need to point out that by definition, the word ‘empathy’ implies that you feel what the other person is feeling, based on personal experience. so, yes, if you have not experienced something, you cannot empathize with another person experiencing it. you can sympathize, but you cannot empathize.

I really liked this post! it shows that there’s beauty to every type of life and every type of experience. sometimes we don’t see that through our despair, but there’s beauty there. thanks for posting this

@ivarahBharavi@xanga - So are you saying that others have no sadness in their lives? 

From the example the poster had given was her friend making fun on some girl. You don’t think everyone has been made fun of at least once in their life? 
Her friend has a ‘perfect life’ in the poster’s opinion, but how can we assume that the friend’s life was perfect? Even if you seem to be perfect on the outside doesn’t mean you are on the inside.

@kuroshitsuji@xanga - “are you saying other don’t have sadness in their lives?” lol I don’t know where you got that. I’m merely telling you what the word empathy means. sure she could have sadness in her life, but unless an experience is specific to the one somebody else has, you can’t possibly empathize, you can only sympathize. I know it’s just words, but that’s what they mean. so by definition, if the poster experienced a lot of things her friend didn’t, she has the capacity to empathize while her friend doesn’t.

to answer your other questions, some people really don’t get made fun of, or not to the extent that others do. the poster is basing what she said off of what her friend told her, and she even said that she’s really close to her friend. nobody knows the poster’s friend, so we have to go off of what the poster gathered from what her friend told her. it is what it is.

it’s rare, but some people do have really great lives. maybe a small bump here or there, but nothing compared to what many others experience. and that’s great for her! it really is. the poster is just saying that there’s also beauty in having a life that is filled with tons of seemingly unpleasant experiences.

at the end of the day I too believe that empathy is the most important thing any person can have; the ability to put yourself in the shoes of anyone and everyone around you and understand what it is like to have, to lose, to have things taken away or distributed unfairly.

some people will never understand this; I can’t necessarily say that our lives are more enriched because of it, but I believe that they are

I tell myself this every single day; everything that has happened to you has made you exactly who you are; and you’re AWESOME!

Aww

Although I sound a lot like that other girl =/

Hey, powerful blog. Thank you.

@ScarletMoth@xanga - Thanks for this.

I’m an extremely private person and tend to give off a perpetual ‘everything’s peachy’ vibe.  I’ve had best friends I’ve known for years who don’t have a clue about my problems because I simply don’t bring them up, no matter how open I am with them otherwise.

One night, I was sleeping over at a friend’s house and a girl was there who’s always put me on a ridiculously high pedestal.  She remarked to me somewhat playfully ‘good grief ___, you’re always smiling and sometimes it gets annoying how happy you are… You have such a perfect life, you’re never upset about anything, etc etc.’ It so happened that I was going through utter hell with family issues then, so I sort of went off on her and she’s been afraid of me since.  >.>

For every person who can gloat about being more empathetic than the so-called ‘girl with the perfect life’ and get past their insecurities this way, just remember there are probably 5 others out to break her because ‘no one should ever be that happy’.  I’ve had more than one ‘best friend’ go out of their way to screw up my life because they figured I had it too easy.  So I dealt with my abusive+controlling father, defenseless zombied-out mother, chronic depression, heartbreak, grave financial issues, reckless brother, murder of two friends, and then a whole lot of needless shit on top of it all because other people decided that I didn’t seem sad enough about whatever I had going on.

OP, if you’re truly empathetic, give this girl a fucking break and don’t assume she has it easy.

i love this post and can totally relate to it!

@ivarahBharavi@xanga - For the record you don’t have to have the same experience as someone else to feel empathy.  Directly from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: Empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously (experienced or

realized through imaginative

or sympathetic participation in the experience of another) experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present

without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

@Melissa___Dawn@xanga - different dictionaries will say different things. but any English professor, English teacher, or any well-educated adult will tell you that empathy and sympathy are two different things. there are many things I’m not too confident in my knowledge about, but that’s one thing I’m 10000% sure on hahaha

@ivarahBharavi@xanga - Well, as the saying goes “those who can’t do, teach” – thanks for the lesson. At least I’m capable of actually feeling both of those emotions.  

I wasn’t trying to be rude – the only reason I put those points in bold was because they were the main points and I didn’t want them to get lost.  I’ve always understood empathy as it was listed in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it’s not something I’ve studied but that hardly means I’m not “well-educated”.  I’m quite open to being corrected and learning new things, in fact after your last response I decided to do some research on “empathy”, and you are correct.  However, unless you know absolutely everything there is to know, next time you correct someone who erroneously thinks a dictionary can be relied upon,perhaps you could show a little “empathy” and leave off the need to laugh at them.   

lacking empathy is not something to gloss over. it’s fucking terrible. 

@Melissa___Dawn@xanga - haha I don’t understand why you’re being so defensive? it seems like everybody takes offense to whatever I say if makes them feel like they were wrong about something. because I corrected someone, all of a sudden I’m not capable of empathy or sympathy? not everyone is out to get you; I was kindly trying to tell you that I’m confident in my definitions. maybe it’s just that this is over the internet. I tried adding the ‘hahaha’ to show that I didn’t have bad intentions, not to show that I was laughing at you.

anyway, I know you weren’t trying to be rude! and I myself wasn’t trying to imply that you’re not well-educated… in fact, that thought didn’t even cross my mind. I didn’t always know the difference between the two either, so I have no reason to look down on you. I was just trying to help you the way I was helped.

@ivarahBharavi@xanga - My apologies.  It was the “hahaha” at the end that was completely misread on my end.  Sometimes it’s difficult to tell on the Internet what the intention behind a “hahaha” is.  And honestly, had I been more clear-headed at that moment (I was having an insulin reaction while reading this blog) I probably would have figured it out.  Again, my apologies.  :)

@Melissa___Dawn@xanga - haha it’s okay glad we cleared it up. and I hope your insulin problem cleared up too!

There’s really no need to resent those who happened to be born more fortunate than you are. It’s not as if she got to choose to be born genetically endowed and blessed with a loving family. You might be her roommate for two years, but it doesn’t mean that you know her whole life story inside out. She might have gone through her own struggles that’s relative to her type of environment.  Just accept yourself, accept her for who she is and stop trying to make rationalizations to compensate for your low self-esteem.

Good job on this post ! ^^

Very well said. This blog made my day

I can definitely relate to this, good post.

I’ll never knock anyone for having it easier. Good for them! I won’t wait and wonder when it may turn for them or when they’ll “learn” what struggle is like. So long as they carry some compassion and understanding as well as eyes that can see beyond the simple life, more power to em! Suffering isn’t something I’ll wish on someone. 

I grew up with divorced parents. My mom part of the working poor (damn hard working) providing a stable home for my brother and I, my dad (love em) the Disneyland dad buying us useless junk (that was a hell of a lot of fun) but, providing very little in the way of a comfortable home. He had a good income but used it poorly. At my mom’s predominately, we didn’t go out to dinner (the occasional Friday evening trip to Taco Bell was looked forward to), didn’t have expensive toys or clothes (often times Good Will finds), no name brand grocery items, or fancy electronics. But I consider myself lucky to have been safe and loved.

As an adult, money struggles, the stress of starting a family early without the best of support from the person I was with, medical hell, finding out I have a life long disease, a messy divorce, even less money, loosing my home and moving back to my mom’s at age 26 with two kids, having a long distance love I’d never met in person and having to wait 4 years (5 months as a couple) to finally be together, loosing friends, dealing with depression, eating disorders, and my entire adolescence living in the shadows of peers. You know what? Still lucky.

I’ve said before that I’m glad to have gone through struggle because I learned to be aware of the hardships of others and be able to provide help. Perhaps most importantly I’ve learned that I can trust and rely on myself when things get rough and theres no one else to clean up the mess. 

I think pointing the finger at those who we see as having it easy is a sign of our own discontent or misunderstanding of ourselves and our own experience. We all get jealous, can’t help that sometimes but, keeping yourself in check is always better for everyone involved. It’s not about them, it’s about you. Glad you’ve been able to see the silver lining that has always been there.

@just_the_average_jane@xanga -  well said

I can understand this, it’s hard to not be jealous of the person who appears to have it all made, but at least you’re honest and you sound nice, so carry on being you and if the time ever comes when her life crashes a bit, I assure you even she will need a friend.  

yougo you :]

This is indeed a good blog. I wish a lot of other people realize this, tons of people at my school never do. :/

beauty can only take you so far, and i’m pretty sure that’s only if you’re female. doesn’t mean shit if you’re a guy.. 

@ScarletMoth@xanga - This. And amazing opening.

Hmmm… I think I’m a little bit of your friend and a little bit of you. I have been pretty sheltered my whole life by my family, but I also struggle in school and I’m a bit socially awkward.

you will only have grown strong when you can stand tall without holding someone else’s head under the water… learn to accept yourself in context of only yourself; not because you are better than someone, not because you can do something better than something.

there is a world of a difference between

“i am glad that i went through my struggles. they might have given me hell but they have taught me empathy.”

“my roommate didn’t struggle but i did. i’m glad i did, though, because even if she is prettier and popular, i have something she doesn’t and that is empathy.”

Lemme just say, really great post! I completely understand you and WE can all relate. you chose to write about something that you may have felt only really applied to you, but to other girls out there who are afraid to even express how they feel about themselves because they think to others around them, its just another feeling-sorry for myself Story. It’s very,, VERY hard to feel the slightest confidence in yourself when your best friend or the girl next to you in class or your group is beyond Perfect (body, smile, hair, in the highest classes since 2nd grade, NEVER has to worry about money, and a pretty happy personality. I feel that men and people in general always will notice that pretty girl! They’ll be remembered and even if they arent smart they dont have to be because I guess being Gorgeous is more appealing than having real morals and being nice. I’m seriously hoping that all men arent like this and someone sees me more than just looking pretty for a day, but truly want someone who has had to go through hard obstacles and has always had to go through life not always getting things handed to me because I’m not the prettiest face. I dont wish bad for those girls who are pretty because maybe if I were stunning gorgeous, I wouldnt look at th world the same, But after a very good friend of mine dressed better and hung out with the group that were “POPULAR” I feel she only talks to me now after she cant reach her other 9 friends on speed dial :p I find myself not even bothering to try to get in shape or find a good and clean hairstyle, What for? So guys can look at me? I havent felt beautiful in a while. Dress nicely so those same pretty girls and my old best friend can talk to me?  It’d be nice to have them notice me for something other than wearing jeans and a sweaer to school everyday. I guess I should appreciate what I have, it’s just very hard when the people around you dont care about feelings or different points of views. Just hot guys and partying. “That’s High School” cant even be an excuse anymore, It’s Life, and Life is not easy.. for Anyone. And those pretty girls WILL see that one day. I hope… Thanks A LOT for not making me feeel I’m not the only one here in the world that has to go through these hard Emotional times alone and some people around here have a Fucking Clue whats going on out there! Eternal LOVE <3