Lovelyish

the world of women isn’t just full of hate, it’s also full of love. yes, we do hate a lot on annoying girls and girls we’re jealous of, but we also love our bffs! 

@writemyheartt@xanga - actually, i think the last part of your comment hits the nail on the head.  many women i know seem to have an “us vs. them” mentality.  the unknown woman is neither really a friend or an enemy… she’s just there.  in contrast, my boyfriend sees every guy he meets as a potential buddy, and it’s only when the guy really does something to piss him off that he becomes an enemy.  in short, i think guys have a default setting where ALL dudes are their bffs until told otherwise.  i can’t say that’s the same for women.  

actually the “men” i know talk about each other just as much as us “girls” do. so far its pretty even in my book, though i am trying to cut back my criticisms of others to be honest.

The world is full of love, too, but yes – I think women are conditioned (by “society,” the entertainment industry, the media, everyone they know) to be competitive. To dislike other women if they are prettier, more successful, more intelligent. To talk badly about them rather than to build them up & support them. A woman’s first instinct is to dislike any unknown woman who she perceives as a threat or competition.

My point in my comments on your last post is really that while saying you dislike an actress may not necessarily be bashing, it is perhaps bashing by proxy, enabling this behavior by opening up the floodgates for women to chime in & say, “I hate so-and-so, too, she sucks!” and “So-and-so is so disgusting!” While there may be tactful ways to say, “Actresses I don’t like ruin movies I might otherwise like,” the way the last post was written welcomed, in my view, a much more hostile sort of response – the sort that we should, as responsible, compassionate women, try to avoid. I’d rather build others up than provide opportunities to tear them down.

I can’t speak for all guys, but the only shit I find worth gossiping about would be extremely personal business. And since all the guys I know keep that stuff to themselves, there’s nothing to talk about. We come from the school of “I don’t want to know your personal shit, so keep it to yourself.”

As for guys I don’t know, I personally treat every new guy I meet like he’s my buddy. Until you do something to make me not like you, I don’t see any reason to consider them a threat. Why would anyone be out to get me anyways and if they were, it’s not like I can’t handle the problem myself. Most guys will listen to reason and for those who don’t, well, that’s why you’ve got two fists and two feet.

I’m just lol’ing at Rachel McAdams’ face in that pic…

It’s obvious how the feedback to this post is going to turn out. I probably don’t have anything different to contribute. I’ll just say that I agree with what you say about bashing being different to simply saying you do not like a person. Whether reasons for disliking a person are actually reasonable.. another story.

I combat my own women-hate (of which there isn’t much – I think!) by making myself work out what it is about a woman that makes me so bitchy. It’s simple enough and I think I’m getting better at working on easing up bitchiness from within… and it helps me to be less judgmental of other women I know who are bitchy and women-bashers. We’re all insecure about something, I suppose.

I won’t talk about men and this stuff because I’ve never lived as a man. ;p

@SuburbanSweetheart - agreed

if lovelyish or another site asks for public opinion, then I’m going to give my honest opinion and having a differing opinion doesn’t mean bashing, I’m just telling it like it is input. if I’m not asked, I usually don’t talk about celebrities or other regular people. I’ll say something if someone else is saying something about me that isn’t true, so I’ll set the record straight while putting the other woman or man in their place to shut them up. I’m a mellow person. usually other women try to start stuff with me and if they started it, I’ll finish it, and I usually have a way to tear their ego so badly that they are speechless, because I teach bullies a lesson then I go back to being my mellow self.

@tokyoexpressman@xanga - lol, my husband read your post and said, “that’s damn right!” where you said, “I don’t want to know your personal shit, so keep it to yourself.”

@SuburbanSweetheart - okay. I think you have a promising career as a pastor, preaching as much as you do. ahhhh….oops: / trying to change….Here’s something loving: I like your hair. It’s very cute. And I think you’re pretty and smart but I’m not jealous of you at all. Definitely not a motivation of mine when being unpleasant about other gals. It’s usually when they’re not acting right, like neglecting their kids & families, being lazy, causing lots of unnecessary drama and being hypocritical. Not all dislike is jealousy based.

@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - First of all, I’m Jewish, so no thanks on the pastor offer. But secondly, what in the hell is your problem? You asked, & I gave you a perfectly even-keeled, NOT mean response, & you start your own response out by insulting me? And I like my hair, too, but I don’t need your patronizing compliments after passive-aggressive nastiness.

I didn’t say all dislike was jealousy-based. In fact, I get terribly annoyed when people say, “Oh, haters are just jealous!” No, sometimes haters hate because you’re an asshole. Or because you’re making crappy decisions. Or whatever – lots of reasons. If you’d been paying attention, which you weren’t, you would’ve understood that what I was saying is that women are, by nature, often -  just nasty to other women for no real reason other than instinct, where, as @too_pretty_to_die@xanga said, I think men’s default function is usually, “Hey, bro!”

Don’t ask for opinions if you don’t want them – better yet, if you don’t want or can’t handle them, quit being a blogger. Are you really an editor here? The folks in charge don’t require any manners of you? Grow up.

@SuburbanSweetheart - I thought your response was very non-confrontational and appropriate.

@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - In my opinion, the way you responded to the aforementioned user tinged of hostility.  I thought the point of this post was to realize that sort of behavior is silly.  You patronize with comments like “I think you have a promising career as a pastor, preaching as much as you do.”  And if you didn’t know that would have been perceived as hurtful you wouldn’t have shown your awareness of it by saying “oops”.  I just find it funny that someone who would make a post on a topic of girl hate responds by dishing it out.  If you disagreed with her idea that this girl on girl hate is founded on jealousy, why not simply address your opinion instead of making it a point to tell her you believe she’s ignorant or wrong.

Dick or cunt, some people are just fucking annoying.

I laughed cuz my friend called someone a butterface. does that make me a woman hater, a jerk or both?

I only know a couple women who don’t hate on others or if they do it is for a very logical reason. But they’re the most emotionally intelligent women I know. They know how to be in touch with themselves as women and with other women without being stereotypically overly emotional. I used to be on the side of “I can’t stand women and I’d rather hang out with guys” until I realized that I was being a generalizing bitch. If you seek out certain people, you will find them. 

Everyone has said mean things before, but that doesn’t mean that all women are “woman haters.” 

There’s a HUGE difference between a woman who sometimes dislikes/doesn’t get along well with another woman, and a woman who is always catty/rude/thinks she has to compete with every other woman.
I also think it’s interesting that a lot of the women who are “woman haters” seem to have low self-esteem but also have this attitude that they need to ACT like they’re the best thing ever. It’s weird and creepy. I don’t know.
All I know is that I make really good friendships with women who are really low-maintenance, honest, and relaxed. We respect each other for our personalities and even though we’ll compliment each other’s appearances too, we’d NEVER bash each other’s appearances. I think lots of women who pretend to be friends will go behind their friend’s back and bash them. Not cool. That’s woman hating.

Nah, I’m a bitch to everyone not just other women lol. I don’t think most women really “bash” other women, we just talk about people in general a lot more than guys do; as in many other instances, the negative is more memorable/noticeable than the positive. I personally am sure I have just as much negative commentary on guys as I do girls, but guys don’t care and girls do. 

@SuburbanSweetheart - I wasn’t being passive aggressve. I actually meant it…the preaching thing was more of a joke, because so far every response you’ve had has been pretty, ummm…preachy.

Why are you under the impression that I’m an editor here? Since I never said that, I’m starting to think that perhaps things are being read without being fully understood.

@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - I think men are blessed with not being as emotionally run as women either…which probably plays a big part in it. I read a study where men that lived together got a long well/enjoyed the experience and women who lived together were more likely to experience depression and have fights.

Chicks are just naturally bitchy. We all have our moments, especially during PMS. I just hang out with guys over girls so I’m not bothered by the cattiness of girls and so I’m not prone to be catty.

@SexyGamerGirl@xanga - that’s true, I typically get along with men better and have more guys on my friend list but I do have some invaluable girl friendships. I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, I really need friendships with other caring, understanding women and I return the favor.

@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - I agree. I dislike backstabbing…I have known some who are bff’s when the other person is around and the minute they leave, it’s hate central…weight, clothes, mannerisms are all made fun of or mentioned negatively. I’d much rather have someone say it to my face than pretend I’m a friend.

@TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga - ummm…maybe an enjoyer of comedy?

@rabbitsarecool14@xanga - I did express my opinion and I actually meant that I did admire those things about her. You’re jumping into a conversation that has more history than the above statement, in which I was preached at several times and pretty much told I was a terrible person and I was bringing a floodgate of hate into the world…eyeroll here at the overreaction, especially since the topic was supposed to be slightly silly and not at all serious. Many of the other girls took it well and saw it as an opportunity to be friendly and say “Hey, I have that in common”. Anyway, I said on here, lets not talk about the other post but I guess that it was overlooked anyway.

I don’t know.  I tend to be neutral about people until I know them.  I don’t see every new person as a potential buddy, but I don’t think they are an enemy, either.  I only ever really dislike someone until they do something mean.  I only “bash” someone if they do something ridiculous to me or my close friends and family.

My husband on the other hand, he used to be very judgmental.  He would be seething angry if anyone even looked like they might possibly be an asshole.  He would see people and his imagination would run wild and he would instantly not like people from the moment he saw them.  Like if someone walked on the train that looked a certain way, his whole demeanor would change.  It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my life.  He would bash people without really knowing them, too.  He has since realized that he was being totally unreasonable and he is TONS better about not doing that. 

@merquryd@xanga - wow, that’s quite a reaction he used to have… I’ve known some men like that, some of them have had bad experiences with men (especially in their family) growing up.

@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - He grew up in an environment that encouraged that type of reaction towards people.  I’m sure it was probably a defense mechanism because he’s extremely loving and loyal to people he’s close to.

i think boys and girls both bash equally, i just think men dont feel the need to go back to the men they were just bashing and tell that man that all the other men were talking about him. the way i see it women have this general need to take care of others and by letting someone know the other girls are talking crap, they are helping them out a little. men think that other men can just fend for themselves so they dont want to “help them out” when others talk shit.

@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - My bad, I didn’t realize that encouraging kindness was the equivalent of being preachy. Next time, I’ll include some of the standard Lovelyish-commenter anger & bullshit; will that make me seem like less of a pastor to you?

Sorry about the editor error. The point was, every blog I’ve ever written for has had some sort of rule in place that prevents writers & editors from engaging in conversation with readers in a way that would anger or alienate them – I guess that’s not a memo that Lovelyish got.

@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - Oops, you could have used the backspace button, easily, to just erase that comment and leave the nice words. Why, then, did you leave it in? It just seems like, if you took a moment to read that sentence aloud, you’d see that most people won’t get the “joke” and just see it as catty.  :/ Or, you could have re-written that to make it into a something that wouldn’t be muddled and misunderstood because you were also trying to make a joke from it, too. 

Maybe…girls don’t often get severe punishment when they bullied
someone, thus it enables them to think it’s okay to act aggressive
towards each other even they’ve became adults.

If women pick on each other
is due to their competitive nature, then the solution is simple: Don’t
play their game. Continue to be the best person you can be, try not to
assume everyone is against you, and reduce aggressions in
communication.  I’ve learned that if all you do is act aggressive and bash other people,
nothing gets accomplished. Sadly many women still do it even if it’s mentally unhealthy…then again, maybe it’s because they’re not happy with their lives or they don’t realize there are more important things that they should be doing instead of hating on others. I may be assuming too much, but it’s the vibe I get from some of them. It’s a mystery to me…o_O 

@JoyElizabeth82@xanga - lol. okay good.

No that’s just something people to say to make themselves feel better about their cattiness.  NO NOT ALL WOMEN ARE WOMEN HATERS or bitchy…  That’s ridiculous and drives me crazy when I hear it.  It’s simply not true….. just because one person, you for instance, are like that in no way means others are.  

@writemyheartt@xanga - exactly. well said!

i women bash…. and i man bash.. i old ppl bash… not so much lil kids but older lil kids bash.

however, i try not to. i bash here and there, and only the real jackasses. sweet ol lady at the supermarket? hello no i wont bash. nor the cute lil 5 yr old who made a mistake. Now, the older perv man who sits next to me on a empty bus, or the 9 yr old who knows better than to do not a mistake, but some thing he knows is wrong, yes ill bash.

i wont bash the girl around my age whos cute. unlike many others, im not jealous or threatened. Now if i knew however she was a royal…brat.. or a rotten person, then i may.. but honestly.. the less you do the better for you. who wants to have negative feelings or thoughts all the time? thats not healthy for anyone.

i do however bash all men. come on, theyre men. no no no. im only kidding. only the well deserved ones. like with girls as well, i save mine for the worthy

I don’t hate women and find it really depressing how women hate each other. We are supposed to boost each other up, support each other, and befriend each other. Why the need to hate? If it’s about jealously or envy, then find ways to better yourself on your terms. Do not go bashing other women because they have what you do not. Focus on what you do have and grow from there.

Hating is all about perspective. Just turn the picture around and see the other side. Read the fine print and make it bold.

Live your life.

woman are catty bitches.

If a woman ever says she never talked or thought bad about another woman that is a BOLD FACE LIE. We all have from thinking a woman is a skank, to friends that are bitches because they didn’t do something with me. 
It’s a womans nature. We are selfish beings. 

Definitely notice more chicks complaining not just about other women, but about guys as well.

Dudes… Not nearly as much.

Girls are so used to getting what they want that it becomes unfathomable when they actually don’t. Check out all these reality shows. Both the dude groups and the girl groups had rather equal upbringings, but it’s always the chicks who get really snobby and obnoxious with each other. Know why? When the chicks were being raised, nobody said to them “I’ll give you something to cry about!”… Instead they were catered to with all their wants and needs.

Obviously some exceptions. But there’s a very clear difference even between the most spoiled dudes and the most underpriveleged girls. Chicks are just treated differently and they become emotionally gluttonous.

I think women are just more intense. We hate more, but we also love more. Men rarely cry over losing male friends, or obsess over each other, or emotionally depend on each other. Girls have a lot of emotions wrapped into each other, and they’re all intense, including the hate.

You may look at one actress and say, without a lot of reason “Man, I hate her.”
But I’ll bet you look at just as many, without a lot of reason and say “I love her!”

It’s just the way being a woman goes. I don’t expect my husband to understand, and I’ve long since stopped asking his opinion, (He is quite relieved, I assure you, haha)

I think all women are backstabbers sometime in their life. From either the age of 2 to even 60. We’re all gonna say hurtful and bad things about each other and then eventually time passes. It’s just how it is