Lovelyish

I wonder this every time I watch it. It makes me sad, yet I can’t look away. I wish that we as women could stop being this way, but I am as much a part of the problem. 

FUUUCCCKKK I hate this show. It’s pure junk. As a matter of fact, it’s reflective of “female-on-female hate.” It’s a phenomenon I’ve noticed, and I can’t fucking stand it because it’s hypocritical. 

Maybe if we all stopped being such obnoxious bitches then we wouldn’t have anything to tear each other apart about. ;P

Because women are the perfect combination of irrationality and competitiveness. 

Women do this because they have a deep need to compete with one another for whoever is perceived to be the male with the best genetic material.

Sorry girls.  Underneath all the pretense and insecurity you mostly tend to be pretty simple.  Not all of you, thankfully, but most of you.

Sounds ridiculous to me. Fighting over one man, that you barely know. 

Because we, as women, are conditioned (by men and other women) to be much more insecure and unquestioning about how we are consciously or subconsciously plugged into the ideas we have and the ideas others impose on us. Actually thinking, taking action, and changing the chauvinist mindsets that WOMEN have of each other is extremely hard to do without a massive societal consciousness-raising effort.

It has gotten to the point where even being smart or civil is seen as a “masculine” trait, something of male privilege. Women, at their core, are only supposed to care about superficial trends and deriving sadistic pleasure in criticizing other womens’ dye-jobs and sex lives! Right? At least from a popular culture standpoint, this depiction of women is extremely common and enormously pervasive.

To a certain extent, we women are partly complicit in our own oppression. We are taught that we need to conform to certain “feminine” standards at OUR own expense and happiness, we internalize this misogynistic dialogue, and we start tearing down those women that don’t conform, too. We’re told–by images in media, by our friends, sometimes by our families–that embracing our objectification and pettiness is just another way of being a “liberated” woman. Or that refusing to conform to these unfair standards means that we are either failing or disappointing or driving away those that love us or would love us in the future. Or that we have to play mindgames in relationships, or pretend to hide our amazing talents, our rationality, our passions to protect the fragile male egos of a few guys who probably aren’t mature enough to appreciate us in the first place. Or that our bodies are someone else’s business. Or that our existence–sexually, emotionally, physically, psychologically–is just a performance for others, to get affirmation from family, friends, and men. That we must SETTLE.

The list goes on and on.  Yes, men experience prejudice, too, but not in quite so systematic and ingrained a way that sets their gender back as far back as it does ours. We perpetuate the system that really keeps us down.  And it’s easier to do that than relinquish our baggage and have civil debate.

Today is International Women’s Day.  It might be helpful to think about how we affect each other and how we can make things better!

Also, I think we get so mired in tearing each other down, that we conveniently forget to tackle the bigger problems we have: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkp4t5NYzVM

You’d think that the average woman would be smart enough to realize that you just can’t find real love on a reality show. How many of those “perfect matches” have ended in divorce? I will never understand the appeal of competing for a guy like that.

I just find it ridiculous that any woman would want to fight for a man, while watching him get physical with other women.  The same goes for the Bachelorette, can’t understand how men would go through that just for the chance with one girl.  Maybe I’m stuck up, but I want to date someone who is only interested in getting to know me and that I don’t have to fight so hard for their attention.  Plus all the scenarios are planned by the show, hardly any effort is put in by the main person, so I feel like the attraction built up is so fake.  In the Bachelor, the man is not really the one setting up the dates for his girl(s) and in the Bachelorette, you have the woman supposedly constantly organizing dates (because obviously she has the power) makes for a really skewed dating dynamic in both scenarios.  Plus its not like the person will just like you for you, you have to honestly FIGHT for attention and whatnot, and I just think that’s ridiculous and it brings out such bad qualities in people because it’s not natural!

I think they are told to act like that for ratings. Nothing would be entertaining without fighting.

@Ailean@xanga - I think we have basically gotten out of this oppression.  I think it’s just how people choose to go about their lives.  Misogyny is not a result of how a woman may act (insecure, etc) it’s a personal issue.  There are so many benefits and support for women today that I don’t think we should be using “misogyny” as an excuse anymore.  Also, I don’t see why feminine qualities have to be seen as inferior.  What is wrong with wanting to be demure and shy and caring about my looks.  It’s something I am proud of and I attribute to my feminine tendencies.  There is nothing wrong with being masculine or feminine, they’re strong traits either way you choose to interpret them.  Men experience the same sort of media slander (examples: boys don’t cry, boys are stupid, etc) and there are many reasons this isn’t as victimized, mostly because victimization has become a “womanly” thing, no man would want to be associated with that sort of term, and is that not judgment towards a man as well?  They have no way to reach for help without being judged as “girly” or “weak” because of his gender.

If women are so insecure that they downplay their intelligence or get obsessive with their looks, I believe that’s a character flaw, not a demonstration of our gender’s oppression.

@rabbitsarecool14@xanga - There is absolutely nothing wrong if one wants to care about fashion or dance or be shy and demure, and I never said there was. However, there is a difference between wanting to be shy and being told that one HAS to be shy because otherwise you won’t be perceived as feminine or desirable. We need to accept that there are lots of ways women can express their femininity and their thoughts, not just a single way. It’s about choices and the freedom to choose how you want to live without suffering unfair consequences. All I’m saying is that we are being socialized into treating each other poorly for different choices we make, from how we dress to whom we sleep with.

How we go about our lives IS shaped by the ideas we are exposed to. We are educating men out of their own emotions and teaching them to treat women in certain ways. Yes, I agree, it’s not all one way.  However, institutional misogyny/chauvinism is responsible for many of the disparities that women face globally (lack of representation in politics and positions of power and global literacy, over-representation among the assaulted, abused, impoverished, and sexually abused). Highlighting the fact that there is a problem with how society socializes and perceives women is NOT the same as making the argument that men don’t have any problems at all. Women’s problems, however, are ones that are important also, and more often than not, they are swept under the rug by people who are either apathetic or willing to make a quick buck off a woman’s insecurities. Even less scary things like sexual harassment and the glass ceiling are forms of institutional misogyny.  We can argue semantics, but the glass ceiling, for instance, is still an unjust standard imposed on women that puts us at risk.  Yes, there are ways for women to get help, but that doesn’t mean that subtle double-standards don’t harm us in the first place.  We are far from gender equality today, although we have made enormous strides in the last century. We also need to be aware of how deeply ingrained our preconceptions of gender really are.

I totally agree that men are insecure, also.  But men express their insecurities differently than do women (not in a better way, just in a different way). Everyone has character flaws, but my larger point is that in pop culture there are certain ways that are socially-acceptable for women to display or attack each other based on those flaws. This sort of hate needs to stop.

Am not the greatest fan of this show..infact its painful to watch yet when its on I just can’t help myself lol. I don’t get why anyone would want to be under such emotional pressure. It is belittling imo!! I can’t help but wonder just how much esteem these ladies have left by the time they leave the show-depressing!!

I’ve only every watched this show once and I couldn’t stand it. It seems like a bit to much. it was stupid…

but its on air because people watch it.  I just don’t understand why you’d want a guy that makes you fight with women, call one another names and  stuff for a guy that you barely know? Jeez. Sounds like a perfect relationship.. perfectly retarded. Do they not think there are any men left in the world? ‘OMFG NO HIS MINE! YOU BITCH’ ‘NUH UH I SAW HIM FIRST -GRABS HIS ARM- ‘ ‘OH DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MY MAN -grabs other arm-’  S: 
Most of us who rip on another is because we see something they have that we don’t, so we try to destroy/make that person hate it. because at some point its empowering, and kinda even fun… Ever girl does it.  We do it to girls we know, girls online we see, and even just stars. That is until we get older. 

they need to cancel this show soon

Don’t question it’s insanity. That’s like asking if it’s morning when the sun is coming up. 

I hated that poor Michelle had to go through that… I wouldn’t call her parenting skills into question, but SERIOUSLY, her mental state. I swear, she was psychotic throughout that whole season. She drove me crazy!

No, the women who CHOSE to participate in this show take feminism 25 steps back. 

@Ailean@xanga - You said it perfectly. 

@MyFaire@xanga - agreed. this show is stupid a few levels past lame. girls need to stop hatin on each other and realize a forced relationship based on a tv show is doomed to fail.

Never been a fan of these reality dating shows. The relationships are not real- they are exaggerated- and none of them probably last anyway.