There’s a stereotype being bandied about – one that may not be so current or clear on the radar, but one that I encountered and dealt with in my time in Japan. Are white guys who date and marry Asian girls losers?
This is a pertinent question simply because of a lot of guys I’ve heard talk over the years stated something like the following:
“The only reason Jimmy over there is here in Japan is because he couldn’t get a girl back home to go out with him. Most white guys come over here looking for girls because they’re losers and can’t get a girl back home.”
Of course, Jimmy happened to have a couple of Japanese girls with him who paid attention to his every word. It made me wonder aloud about the guys who were doing the talking: did they utter this statement because its true? Was Jimmy really a loser in the States, and because he heard that Asian women like Western men, he came and tried his “luck” over there across the Pacific Pond? Or could Jimmy have been there for other reasons altogether?
But the “loser” statement kinda’ stuck with me and struck me: could it be that men who go to Asia do so because they were, somehow, losers back in their hometowns and couldn’t buy a date even if they had a millon dollars?
It’s interesting, because I met and saw and knew many guys who probably could easily fit the “loser” category. They generally say something as absurd (or more-so) as the following:
“Hey, is it true that Japanese women are easy?”
“I heard that Korean women are the most submissive on the face of the Earth…”
“Don’t Chinese women have their ‘thing’ going sideways?”
“Are Filipinas really as ‘playful’ as everyone says?”
Hearing questions and statements like this kind-of made me want to haul off and crack the offender across the head (likely I’d've hurt my hand before seeing any sense get into their brains). Yet, despite these “guys” saying these things, showing themselves being rather “loser-ish”, I still wondered if it could be true that white guys only date Asians because they couldn’t get “the girl” or a girl back home.
Then, I remembered my friend Harold. Harold and I were roommates and good, good friends in college. We were involved in the same ministries (we went to a Christian college), worked for the same employers for a time, and hung out with a lot of the same people. Harold met a beautiful Korean girl named Jinny at the church where he worked. Inside of a year or two, they were married. When I think of my brother-from-a-different-father-and-mother Harold, I don’t think of him as a loser. He has two Master’s degrees, graduated with great grades from college, and is as great a guy as anyone would ever meet. On top of this, Harold had a lot of dates in college, and a lot of girls liked him. He cold have married any one of them. When I think back to the conversation I heard spoken about Jimmy, and then compare it to Harold, such a statement just doesn’t fit. He and Jinny now have been married for thirteen years, have two handsome sons, and Harold has not only two Master’s degrees, but was a college professor and is working on a doctorate. Is he a loser simply because his wife happens to be darker skinned and from a different culture?
Then I think about my own life and marital situation. Harold’s wife was my wife’s roommate in college, and when Harold and Jinny went to Korea to teach, they introduced us. Could it be that I married my wife because I, too, fit this loser mold? After all, I never was on any starting squad in any sport. I was considered nerdy and introverted, and had all of three dates in high school. Furthermore, I married rather late in life: 34 years of age. Am I a loser because my wife is Asian? Sometimes I wonder….
What does anyone else think? Do white guys get with Asian girls because they are losers, and can’t get a girl back home?
Editor’s note: This post is the opinion of the author who submitted it and not necessarily that of Lovelyish.