I previously posted a question in the advice section asking about ways to bond with my boyfriend’s mom. This is something that I’m sure a lot of other girls have questions about too. So, in thanks to all that offered advice, I compiled a list of ways you can bond with the potential Mother-in-Law.
1. Find a common interest. Once you find something that you both are interested in and use that as a tool to bond. If you both like to shop or maybe watch the same television show, this can be your way of getting closer with her. If you both love to shop, you can maybe suggest a shopping trip, or if you both love to watch Grey’s Anatomy, maybe you can suggest watching it together one night. Finding small things you have in common can take you a long way as far as getting closer with your love’s mom.
2. Show genuine interest in her. If you ask about her day or how she’s doing, this can really spark conversation. She’ll notice your genuine interest in her and you guys can be closer as a result of that when she shows genuine interest in you as well. This doesn’t always work of course if you aren’t actually interested in her because you don’t want to be fake. But if you’re serious about wanting to bond with your boyfriend’s mom, then you should be interested in her and a natural bond and relationship can come along with that.
3.Talk about your boyfriend’s childhood. Many have suggested that a good way to bond is to talk to your boyfriend’s mother about his childhood and laugh at things from stories to old photos. The good thing about this is that it allows you to talk and bond over something you both are interested in, which is him. This also serves a double purpose of allowing you to learn more about your boyfriend. You can even tell his mom about some of the things you did when you were younger.
4. Talk about his mom’s childhood/ how she was when she was younger. Another great suggestion was to talk to his mom about when she was younger. She can share some stories with you about her youth and you can share your own stories in return (nothing too crazy, of course, you don’t want her to get the wrong impression!). It will be fun bonding over stories of what things were like when she was growing up and you really get to know his mom this way and possibly even share some jokes.
5. Help her cook. Not everyone loves to cook but if your boyfriend’s mom does you can try to help out. Even if you don’t know how to cook, maybe cooking with her will give you the opportunity to learn because everyone needs to know how to make at least a few basic things. She’ll see that you genuinely want to help out and through cooking you’ll get to spend a lot of time with her.
6. Be yourself. Most importantly, you should be yourself and everything else will follow. You don’t want to end up changing who you are just to bond with his mom. When you are yourself, she’ll realize that you are being genuine and most likely won’t think you are trying too hard to impress her (with the exception of those judgmental mothers floating around out there). You’ll be happier with the true relationship you have with her this way instead of putting up a facade just to get her to like you and you’ll be constantly trying to pretend to be someone you’re not. If she doesn’t like you for who you are, you’re probably better off not having any relationship with her.
Even with all of these different ways to bond, there are some mothers who don’t want to let go of their baby boy or for other inexplicable reasons may hold some sort of bias against you. In these cases you have to remember that not everyone is going to like you and that as long as you’re happy with who you are and your boyfriend is happy with who you are, things will be fine. You are dating him and not his mother.
What are some ways you bond with your boyfriend’s mom, Lovelies?
tulip / 10 posts
Uh, none of these ever worked for me.
guest
heh, easy says easy goes it.
if only it was that easy. : x
guest
I did all that and more and she still hated me.
guest
I think this sounds right.
guest
Great ideas.. my bf’s Mom likes me a lot compared to his ex.. she hated his ex ’cause she was rude to the whole family and a total btch to her son (my bf). I’m particularly polite around her and address her as “Auntie” and my bf has told her good things about me, such as things I do for him, the respect I have for him and the kinds of values I have (all true, not made up). I do #2 and #6 and I’ve tried doing #1 but I really don’t have too much in common with her. I’ll try #3-#5 in the future ^^
ranunculus / 3457 posts
Don’t. The less she knows about you, the better.
In laws are never friends.
guest
Eh…my bf’s mom doesn’t know english very well so I find it very hard to have a strong relationship with her. She showed me how to make a dish once, and I ended up cooking for the whole family while she went upstairs to read a book… haha…..
guest
People don’t shed your insecurity due to past experience hence the ” Don’t. The less she knows about you, the better.”…that right there is the exact attitude that got you nowhere with the moms or anyone for that matter.
Mothers will always be over protected of their sons as fathers will be with their princess’s. No one has ever said it was easy. This topic of descusion was mentioned as a blue print more or less a basic first step to get you in the right direction – not a “this bitch think it’s that easy” lol. Other factors come in when you two aren’t meant for each other and parents are pretty sharp in picking that up (when they’re sons or daughter aren’t lol)
Women aren’t stupid especially older wise and open minded women. When it comes to their sons and YOU young women lol they know the tricks of the trade and know bullshit when it steps through that door, trust and believe…and if they don’t know off the break better believe they’re scoping you out the good the bad the weak and the strong points of you. One thing parents especially mothers won’t tolerate is a weak woman (hence a strong father will not expect any less of the man for his daughter). If the guy isn’t weak as a man, pay attention to the father and mostly (you as the young female) pay attention to the mother. A strong mother will not expect any less from a young lady. So if you stick around and learn and earn your way in the mothers good graces she will see that respectable fight in you and eventually lighten up….but if you wanna be snappy, grit and show the fake uncomfortable smile she’s going to eat you alive….shit, i don’t want a weak woman…
guest
compliment her on how young she still looks. then compliment her son but tie her into the conversation with something like…ahh, I know where your gorgeous son got his stunning eyes from…his beautiful mother! but don’t over-dramatize it and try to sound genuine
talking about your bf’s childhood seems humorous but I know I cringe whenever my mother talks about mine and shows photos to relatives that are visiting, so I feel his embarrassment and pain and won’t go there.
guest
My boyfriend’s mom is a couple’s therapist. How weird is that?! She and I get along really well, but when her son and I first started dating, she had a ton of opinions about everything. Her main concern was that we were young and would sacrifice school/goals for each other. She’s really easy to talk to and open to things, so I frequently call her to get pedicures or lunch.
I have always gotten along with my boyfriends’ mothers. I know some people have had it worse, but I think if you just show some interest in them and have good manners, it will be all good. Help her with the dishes and notice when she gets highlights. Their approval is pretty necessary (at least to me), so I think as long as you don’t give them a reason to hate you, they probably won’t.
guest
heh just talk about his “secrets”
guest
I don’t think she likes when I cook with her :/ Sometimes, when it’s not dinner.
guest
Hahah My fiance’s mum and I HATE each other…she is psycho. Plus she likes to basically call me a liar and live in her own world and I’m very opinionated and have put her ass in her place to many times. I’m so glad my fiance’ isn’t her “real” son….Her genetics will die with her…thank god
guest
My boyfriend’s Mom has liked me from the beginning, so I haven’t really had to try, but these are great ideas! And having common interests is always a winner. For me, the biggest common interest for us is her son
She recently suggested that sometime soon we get lunch and go Christmas shopping for him.
hydrangea / 77 posts
If your boyfriend’s mother is indeed a monster-in-law, all you can really do is beat her at her own game, but always come out like the bigger person when your boyfriend’s around hehe. NEVER complain to you bf about his mother, chances are, he will most always stick up for her and turn against you. Hope that helped
sunflower / 334 posts
My mom would rather get to know you than tell you about me – she’s actually told a gf something like, “Its not my job to get you to love my son, if you don’t know those things you’re asking me, makes me think this relationship is one-sided and you’re not putting your share in.”
guest
@Crouchingbigtoe@xanga - What he said.
@Thumper49047@xanga - and him, too.
These guys are smart, ladies. They are giving good advice. If my son thinks you are good enough to bring you home and meet me, I want to know more about you. My son is just three, but I get the feeling that I am going to be just as proud of him when he starts dating. In my mind, if my son thinks someone is wonderful, I just want to know more about that person.
After a certain age (18+), I don’t even want to meet my son’s girlfriends if he doesn’t intend to have a serious relationship with her. I think that is how most mothers feel. There are most likely some extremely crazy women out there that have weird relationships with their sons, but this is extremely rare.
guest
That’s why I dated a Vietnamese guy. His parents couldn’t speak English. Worked out great.
sunflower / 338 posts
I think there are very few moms out there who are actually willing to be friends with their son’s wife, let alone his girlfriend. I think these would work better in a fiancee/ wife situation, as then she knows you’re not going anywhere. I think if I had tried these on any of my boyfriends’ mothers, they would have felt Iwas trying to suck up or was being too fake. These are good ideas, though. I hope I get to use a couple someday.
guest
i dont let old ladies intimidate me. all i can be is nice and polite when i meet them and if they r going to be childish and still make your life more complicated then the lady needs a reality check. i dont think anyone needs rules to kiss someones ass
guest
@Keeping__Karma@xanga -
not so much sucking up…but we don’t have to try too hard the point is to be your self. If you do that a good parent will pick up on that. If you have to not be you with your boyfriend and his mom now what justice would that do for the three of you – you know…and also we got to keep in mind that many people out here aren’t right up there in the brain and stuck on stupid…these kind of people who are parents can make relationships difficult and in many relationships can break up a good thing…like in life follow your heart and work hard at what you love
orchid / 105 posts
I am just myself. I mean, moms can tell when someone is trying too hard to impress her, or if they’re fake. Even if they don’t particularly like you, they will at least respect the fact that you aren’t trying to pull the wool over their eyes. I’ve never really had a problem with parents NOT liking me. I still talk to my ex fiance’s mom occasionally, actually. We don’t talk about him, or our relationship; she doesn’t even talk to him because of the way he treated me. Even now, my current boyfriend’s mom calls me and visa versa. Being yourself is really the best and only thing you need, in my opinion.
lily / 5148 posts
My bf’s mother doesn’t treat my bf(and he pays the bills) or me with respect even though we give it to her. She actually made me cry by saying I’m a horrible person for just being myself and not doing things the way she wants me to.. I think nothing will work. I don’t even want to be friends with her. She has a horrible personality and I only deal with her because I live with her and my bf in his two story house.
She is a monster in law for sure.
guest
my boyfriend’s parents are dead.
orchid / 130 posts
I have yet to “bond” with my boyfriend’s mom. And the very thought of it is really terrifying. o_o
guest
@Erika_Steele@xanga - hey stranger HIGH FIVE on the recognition on. I was checking out these comments on here…though i respect folks inputs I’m a bit dumb founded as to the answeres im seeing by some of the older women and young ladies on here. Im not perfect but jeez yo this is crazy lol….But it doesn’t matter as long as we know what it takes…you know!
guest
@Crouchingbigtoe@xanga - so am I.
guest
my ex mom/whole family ended up liking me more than he does >.<
guest
i buy my boyfriend’s mom balloons for her birthday. we talk about his childhood and her days at work and their dog. haha.
guest
It varies from situation to situations
It depends on your personality and your Bf’s mom’s personality
Some moms are straight up bitches and same as some girlfriends
I get along fine with my BF mom , same as my current ex’s mom
But this one Ex BF I had – no matter how nice I am to her, she would give me sarcastic comments and hates me for no reason because she doesn’t know me and assume* shit about me yet have no intentions in getting to know me cause she’s a stubborn bitch
guest
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - how was the sex? was his penis small? LOL
guest
@Dustin_wind@xanga - What sex? Stop fantasizing! Unless its about you and me in a pimp mobile with fuzzy purple interior…
guest
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - well yeah…i’m talking about that but you know how i have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge stick. that interior was tiiiiiiiight
guest
I’m glad my boyfriend’s mom likes me. She was my math teacher in 8th and 9th grade, and I’m a math major, so that works out well.
guest
I have always gotten along with my boyfriend’s parents. My boyfriend’s mom is great and we get along well, she’s really funny and I really appreciate her. Now I know where my man gets his humor!
guest
My boyfriend’s mom and I get along very well. We bond over wine lol.
guest
i loved my ex-boyfriend’s mom. i may be more upset about losing her than about him. these are all really good tips even if they don’t work 100% of the time.
magnolia / 1017 posts
My boyfriend mom likes me and thinks I’m adorable (lol), and I’m trying to think of ways I can get to know her and have her get to know me better. These are great tips, as well as in the comment section. I’m kind of shy but I do try to give her hugs when I see her, since my boyfriend says she likes hugs (: I’ll try to keep these in mind!
guest
I’ve only had one bad “parent” experience. He was 23 and his mum babied him to ridiculous extents. She still did his laundry and cooked his meals – it was ridiculous. I’ve never had problems aside from that – all my other boyfriends’ parents have liked me – I was just polite and friendly.
orchid / 124 posts
@zoetik@xanga - Some moms are just nasty :[. These work on normal moms
.
guest
@bettinatron@xanga - Ahhh~ Normal moms. Now that’s a fine distinction!
peony / 1 posts
i know i’m about two years late on this post, but it tickled my interest so i thought i would comment it. How do you deal with a hypochondriac mother in law who’s son is constantly being emotionally abused, hence he refuses to believe that his mom’s problem isn’t physical, but psychological? She fakes symptoms for attention and secondary gain (sort of like malingering) but i’m almost convinced that she is a hypochondriac. My fiance and I just recently had a big argument because of his mom’s involvement, and how it changed him towards me. I near ended our relationship due to this matter, when the mom faked a stroke. Most of you will go like, huh? how do u fake strokes? Well, best believe, this lady will do anything for attention.. Came out that she ALMOST had a stroke, but ended up feeling numbness in her left side and just recently her mouth got dislocated (pretty insane, i know). The sad part is that my fiancé doesn’t see that she has a problem, and that him and almost all of their friends fall for her faking symptoms and illnesses. What bothers me the most, is that MDs, detecting her problem, don’t do anything to prevent it, yet they keep her in longer to make money off of her. She has faked soooo many illnesses and she’s in her early 40s, starting from her late 20s. I don’t encourage her symptoms, yet all of her family members fall for it. Her symptoms are stronger when she needs more money, and she takes lots of med… I don’t know what to call this lady, an addict? a hypochondriac? … wish i could help my fiancé see her actual problem and prevent himself from constant emotional abuse. It bothers me, it gets to me, it affects my relationship, it almost broke us up several times, and theres just so much more to my story that i don’t want to expose. I don’t know what to do…? p.s. excuse my racy thoughts and the typos, it’s 3am here