Doubting whether your boyfriend is right for you? Here are 6 sweet clues that he’s a keeper.
1. He puts you first in his life, consistently. You’re the person he takes to shows when he has an extra concert ticket, and you’re the first he comes to to share good news. When you need your man, he’s there, and you never have to worry that he’d rather be with other people than you, because he lets you know with his words and actions that you’re his priority.
2. You feel relaxed around him. I’ve had some bad boyfriends in the past, and throughout those relationships, I always felt a sense of unease, sometimes physically, like a stomachache, but other times just a heightened sense of stress. I’d always be worrying, “Does he still like me? Where do I stand? Is he going to break up with me?” It’s not just you being a worrywart, because a guy who’s right for you will do the opposite; you’re calm and happy, knowing you can rely on him day in and day out, not fretting about whether he’s about to dump you.
3. He takes your side. If there’s a dispute between your circle of friends, he’s got your back. When you tell him you’re unhappy about something in the relationship, he makes strides to change it, instead of getting defensive. This quality is quintessential to a good marriage or partnership some day; when life gets rough, you know you can count on him to support you (and vice versa!).
4. Your conversations get deeper and deeper, not more shallow. Do you and your man talk for hours about politics, world events, religion, your life goals, your families, and everything under the sun? It’s a great sign that you both feel safe being yourselves, and that your bond together is growing increasingly intimate. If your conversations, on the other hand, have become limited to Lindsay Lohan gossip and deciding which pizza place to order from, you might be in relationship peril.
5 He’s got tons of money. No, just kidding. But you should pay attention to how he manages his money. Is he responsible with spending? Is he too extravagant or too stingy? Sure, his money is his money, but a man who’s into you for the long-term won’t be blowing gobs of cash on fancy things for himself all the time; he’ll be saving to plan a future with you, be it for a romantic getaway, a house or a pretty sparkly thing.
6. He just wants to be around you. He texts and calls just to say hi; he wants to see you whenever you’re both free; he stops by your work or dorm room to chat and see how your day was. You’ve got yourself one devoted boyfriend! Don’t take him for granted, sister.
If you’ve found your guy, how did YOU know he was the right one for you?
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No wonder I’m the first…
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I kid I kid… this is a great post… FOR ME TO POOP ON!
lily / 5148 posts
I have a great guy it seems =) I’m happy for it..haha
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yep
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All of the above… except 4. We don’t talk much but everything else goes.
hydrangea / 65 posts
this is how me and my boyfriend are..
daisy / 727 posts
I have all those things in my boyfriend. Plus he opens doors for me and walks me to and from class when it’s dark. I think I knew he was the right one when we could talk for hours and never run out of things to say.
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Sounds like a good list… hopefully one day! Especially number four. I find that to be really important, not just in a boyfriend, but friend in general.
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My ex was all of these things and then he left suddenly. Maybe I just have terrible luck.
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My husband is the sweetest man. He respects me. He never pressures me to do things I don’t want to do. Related to that, he was willing to wait to have sex until we were married, even though he was not a virgin. He works hard to pay the bills and take care of me (I’m looking for a job, but he’s been very supportive while I’ve been unemployed). He makes sure I take my medicine, go to class, etc. He worries about my safety when we’re apart. When we were dating, he called me every night to say goodnight. He used to say “Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite, cause if they do…” and every night he would end with something different. He’s protective of me. He accepts my past. He struggles, but he loves me despite my depression, and has kept me from killing myself a number of times. He’s the reason I quit cutting. He’s the reason I’m still in school, and trying every day to get healthy. I could go on forever about why he’s wonderful
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I don’t know anyone who’s the one. sad.
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My best guy friend and I are like this. Aw.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - Awww, super cute!
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I was totally skeptical of this for the LONGEST time, but honestly – when you find THE ONE, you know. It hits you like a ton of bricks. And then you can’t stop smiling because of the awesomeness, even if you’re currently in a less-than-ideal situation.
Also, he stops everything and dances with you in the middle of a restaurant, and couldn’t care less about how many people are looking.
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Mine is all of that except for 5- and I hate that it bothers me but it really does sometimes. And I’d hate to let money get in the way of a relationship, but I also know it is an important factor. We’ve been dating for only a few months, so it is way too early to start discussing if he’s “The One,” and it’s hard to know whether he is just in a slow spot right now and it will get better, or if this is a pattern that will continue for life. And money is always a touchy topic of conversation, but I know we’re going to have to have that talk eventually. I’m definitely not looking forward to it.
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My relationship isn’t very much like all of these things but I still love him very much. I don’t believe in “The One”.
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7.) he holds your hair back when you are projectile vomiting till dawn
hydrangea / 78 posts
he puts you first in his life? as in, if he’s already made plans with the guys and you call with some bitchy demand for him to take you to see the newest sex and the city movie he’s supposed to ditch his friends? hell to the no. if a girl did that, it wouldn’t be considered nice and respectful, it would be considered rude as hell to her friends. i think that should be “he respects everyone who is important in his life equally.” that is a much better quality. i wouldn’t want a man who treats me like a queen but is an asshole to everyone else.
and he always takes your side? what if you’re clearly wrong? my boyfriend and i were in the same group of friends before we were dating and if there was ever a dispute where i was clearly wrong, i would rather know he has morals than the desire to please me. also, if you tell him something that you’re unsatisfied with, you should be able to hear him say what he’s unsatisfied with and BOTH make efforts to change it. your man isn’t there to please you 100% of the time.
i don’t want a lap dog, i want a man.
daffodil / 1601 posts
@LunchBox90@xanga - Your avatar is Ness. You are win!
sunflower / 334 posts
7. If he actually enjoys being around your family/siblings.
8. If your parents actually like him and invite him over for things.
9. Watch the same TV shows.
sunflower / 447 posts
My SO used to be all of these and then some, but lately (past year out of 4 years in November) I quit being “put first” almost completely. Yeah, I get that the economy rendered his degree useless for the time being, but why kick me out over it? Why pick such a busy work/school schedule we can’t even visit anymore? I mean those would be fine if he wanted to just break up, but noooo, he wants to be together and just have me tolerate all that bullshit
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Every single one of them describes my relationship, except for money management. He looooves blowing portions on his $400 checks to buy computer software, video games, etc etc. But at the same time he does buy me things too. Nothing fancy like a vacation or even planning to buy me a ring (I better not get a 25 cent machine ring damnit!) haha. But he’s definitely the one
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Wow. I was able to check off every single one of those
I am so lucky. Not that I didn’t know that before.
daffodil / 1569 posts
@recoveringforme@xanga - whoa, i didn’t say that at all! putting you first doesn’t mean ditching his own life at the drop of a hat for you. it’s more about an attitude you observe over the long term where you’re both making each other a priority. it’s not about neither of having separate interests and hobbies and friends, which i would say is very healthy and even necessary for a relationship to flourish.
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daisy / 728 posts
i thought my bf was the one…but i start to question now…
daffodil / 1975 posts
#1 isn’t really putting you first. It’s more like being the main one he goes to, being his best friend. And hey, what kind of relationship can you have with someone without being their best friend, too, right? =)
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I just read each of these and nodded. I love my bf so much…. <3
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@bonezzzzzz@xanga - I know, right?.. Ah, good times.
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This sounds like my best friend. He is certainly not the ONE for me haha
daisy / 603 posts
I knew on date number one that my boyfriend was special. The waitress had to keep coming back. I hadn’t even looked at the menu because we were having such a great conversation. And even better, after I finally did order, he went back to the kitchen, cooked our food and brought it out. =) He’s a chef and he took me to his restaurant for our first date.
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I mean these are all good qualities to have, but these cant tell people if who they’re dating is “the one”. at one point in every relationship I’ve ever had the guys have been all these good traits and more, but were they “the one”? No, not at all.
It’s about consistency.If you’ve been dating for a week and they display all these characteristics, good for them. but that doesn’t make them your soul mate.
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Yepp! I’ve found my guy and he is great
We’ve been together for almost 7 years, I simply adore him!
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ummm nice entry/..i start to question now…..
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@Sondra08asm@xanga - you so lucky!!!bless you two!!XD
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@oO_Grace_Oo@xanga - Just like every person has their own make up, so does every relationship. Although this post is great for the avaerage woman and what she looks for in a relationship, it dooesn’t have to be for everyone. If your relationship doesn’t show these “signs”, I’m sure it’s not a big deal at all. That being said, if you’re reconsidering your feelings for your SO because you are unhappy with the way the relationship is going or the way he treats you, then you should definitely talk to him about it and see where he stands and what he wants. You shouldn’t base your opinion of how a relationship should work off how the media (Yes, including posts on lovelyish) displays it- but instead on what truly makes you happy (and him!)
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Cooooooooooooool looks like I let the wrong one go.
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lol, “pretty sparkly thing” how unselfish. Huh, It makes more sense now why I’m single though. I’ve definitly felt the extra stress. I do enjoy arguing though. usually.
orchid / 190 posts
Yeah he can be like this in the beginning, but what do you do when these things fade in time? Because sometimes they do…
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mine is the one, I’ve known it for years now, and this list just reaffirms it (though he is a cheap-ass, I love him – because he IS saving for the future!)
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this really got me to think why i keep doubting this guy that im “seeing”. he does basically everything except for 2 and 3. i feel relaxed around him, and can be myself around him without thinking how hes going to think of me or how differently will he think of me if i do something stupid. but yet lately i have been doubting if he really likes me. his actions and words show it…but i guess sometimes i really think some things are too good to be true for me. in some ways he wont always take my side..but will always be honest with me. he does everything else and more for me..and all the things he has done he has shown me that i am someone important in his life…someone whom he wants to be with and respect.
i know his intensions of why he doesnt do some things for me nor why he doesnt always stand on my side..but this guy is really someone special. and although my actions dont really show it to him as much with all my doubting recently. i just really hope that he understands what im feeling and how much he really means to me.
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“Do you and your man talk for hours about politics, world events, religion, your life goals, your families, and everything under the sun?”
We do all of that but it always turns out to be a huge argument due to our disagreements:/
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@Thumper49047@xanga - my husband and I hate each othersfamily’s but can’t really stand them ourselves.
uh my parents didn’t care what I did so I was hardly ever home. He did come over to pick me up and they acted fine. My dad didn’t say anything until we were engaged and maybe a month before the wedding that “cory is not the one for you” I never really though about the tv shows that much we didn’t have cable for the longest time but we do enjoy some shows together now. But I like your list either way
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My ex-boyfriend has all that 1-7 quality. I left him after 5 years of relationship. You must be thinking how stupid i am… sigh..
And now i am with a guy who only has the quality of No.7.
The thing is i love him.. i made sacrifices but it is painful sometimes…
Sigh…
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I knew that he was right for me because he is able to understand me easily or try to, he loves talking to me about everything and anything (even a future, he brought it up first!) and he’s always been there for me. Honestly, I could go on all day and night saying how I knew he was the one, but you get the picture. :]
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I knew the 4th day we were together. I’ve always had this vision in my mind of me at the altar marrying someone. This is someone had a blacked out face, so I never knew. When I kissed my boyfriend goodbye on the 4th night, the vision suddenly had a face (which was his). We’ve been together for a 1.5 years, and I still get butterflies around him. I enjoy his presence, I never worry, I don’t care when he goes out with his friends, or goes to do things with his girl friends. I’m not really a jealous person, and I trust him because that’s what you do. You give your heart to this one person, and trust them to not break it into a million pieces and throw it in your face. We take each other sides, and he always expresses how much he loves me, even in front of his friends. He’s just amazing…
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sunflower / 334 posts
@carsiiia@xanga - your comment raises an interesting question. Knowing what you know now, that you state you’ve let the right one go mistakenly, what caused you THEN to not realize it?!
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@sunflower023@xanga - Aww thank you!
orchid / 124 posts
1. My boyfriend doesn’t obsessively put me first, but he definitely does to an extent (school, work and things like that come before me and I admire that a LOT).
2. I’ve never felt more comfortable around anyone in my entire life :]. 3. He helps me see when I’m wrong in a situation, but he never leaves my side in the argument. 4. We went out the other night and talked for an hour straight about things that actually mattered (racism, 9/11, the mosque, Bush, Obama, and anything you could imagine related to those things). 5. He saves his money for crazy things, but things we can enjoy together. He works at pathmark part time, so he’s not making a huge amount every week, but he’s really responsible with his money. He bought a beautiful sectional (that I picked out
) and today we got a 55″ tv! Next he’s buying a bigger bed ;]. 6. My boyfriend doesn’t do all of the cute stuff like that, but I get random texts from time to time and most of his free time is spent with me (when football isn’t on, but I won’t interfere with that since I’m an awesome girlfriend ;P)
he’s the one ;D
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i found my guy when i was just 14 and we met through mutual friends and then for a couple years didnt see each other and i dated one of his friends and met back up with him and after going through hell for 2 years with his friend i called it quits and ask my boyfriend be my boyfriend and it was the best thing ive ever done ive never been happier hes stable and responsible and of course my best friend we love being around each other and usually perfer it that way he does everything for me i love him
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wow i feel none of that with the guy im seeing right now, i guess he isnt the one. and i do really think these are all really good points.
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My boyfriend hates texting/phone calls, but he DOES try to come see me whenever he can, and he lives across town, so I know he legitimately wants to come see me.
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lol money? haven’t you ever read the gift of the magi? =P
daffodil / 1569 posts
@lttlegel - so cute!
daisy / 603 posts
@Jessica - i know. he’s adorable! haha. thank you.
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6 out of 6.
My soulmate<3
Just kidding, I’m 17.
But it is 6 out of 6.
My boyfriend is the best person for me right now. But I’m not gonna go around saying he’s the one. I’m not even out of highschool yet, let alone considering who I’m gonna be with for the rest of my life.
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@vicdaily@xanga - me too. I mean 3 started to change ever so slightly in the last two weeks, not wanting to work things out, but up until then he had it all too and then he was gone. quit.
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My man and I match all 6…guess it’s a good thing we’re already married lol.
tulip / 13 posts
My fiancé is the greatest person that I’ve ever met. The first time I saw him, it was in the computer lab at the university we attended. I never thought that he would be the one for me, because he was just an random person that walked into the computer lab with his friends. Even when he spoke to me and asked if I was studying Computer Science, I just made small talk, nothing big.
But as time rolled on, I met him again and we became friends. Then before I left one night, he asked me if I want to date him in general, and I said “yes”… even though I wasn’t sure. The conversations became deeper, his true feelings became present, and we both grew together. Now that we are engaged, I have no doubts that I have an amazing fiance, and will be a great husband.
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yay. yay ya I’m good, for once!
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haha, I must have spectacular guy friends. almost all of them are like that.
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aww cute list
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:]
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I’ve never found the one. Not that I should even think I would.
Guess I’ll just have to wait. Til that day comes, I’m still thinking it’ll never happen
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@laydeekai315@xanga - i really love the story of how you guys met. It really shows how random relationships could be, especially if you don’t look for one, but just letting it happen all on its own.
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I envy all you girls who have found this guy! My search continues on… -_-
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@wwingnam@xanga - aww honey, at feel at times, that how you feel is exactly how I feel. Not only relationship wise but people wise. If that makes any sense haha. Although I don’t show how I feel sometimes, I care a lot.
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@bonezzzzzz@xanga - AMEN.
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Is that first picture from glee? Just curious.
orchid / 197 posts
although this is an awesome list, i think this may have given a bunch of xanga women the misleading thought that they’re about to be proposed to.
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Great list, but my bf only passes 3/6-_- sad..
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@ZepBlueEyedGirl@xanga - i agree completely. it’s so cliche and and cheesey, but honestly, when you know, you know. it’s an amazing and life-changing feeling.
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Or you just get that gut feeling. like you two are so in love that no one else matters. AND IT doesnt fade. even after like 10 years of being with each other.
magnolia / 1369 posts
I wish. lol.
orchid / 217 posts
=( Nope..never had a guy that had all of those.. My bf & I have nothing in common, don’t have much to talk about so our conversations are pretty boring.. & I’m the only person he actually texts back besides his brothers. But I’m falling for him, so idk what to do. =/
But I can be myself around him & his dad & brothers, which is good. He does cute things for me, like when we first met, he sent me a pic through email about these pink flowers he saw since he couldn’t exactly pick them. Then on our third date he brought me a rose from a bush at his house =P. When we first started dating, he called & woke me up & said he’d be there in 10 minutes, & to not get ready. So of course my hair looked like crap & I was sleepy eyed & he told me I still looked beautiful =). To hell with if he’s ‘the one’ or not, I think I’m falling for him & I’ll keep him whether he ever wants to get married or not..besides, I don’t look good in white dresses anyway =P
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@vicdaily@xanga - same here.
just because a man has those traits of “the one” doesn’t mean that he is or maybe he is but not for you.
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He doesn’t take my side. Nope.. not the one
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i has one i has one! oh so happy
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guess not
sunflower / 338 posts
-sigh- Still looking.
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lol – posts like these always raise questions for me.
or maybe I should stop wondering about whether my BF adheres to a list like this, and hope that he isn’t comparing me to some checklist somewhere, either. =/
orchid / 116 posts
I disagree with 5. My boyfriend’s extremely tight on money. He doesn’t earn that much cause he’s a student and with the money he does have it goes to gas/car payments, his cell phone, emergencies and of course taking me out.
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basically a good list to follow!
cherry blossom / 34 posts
Haha,ofcourse someone was going to get defensive over this,THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!geez.
I don’t know about other girls boyfriend but I I wanted to watch sex in the city and my guy was with his friends,I wouldn’t even bother asking him to pick me because I know he would already do it,and leave his plans for another day.and whoever said you had to demand or bitch to your boyfriend?hahahahahahha!
If someone doesn’t like this or thinks otherwise why bother to even comment?
I guess some girls aren’t as lucky as others?:) mhm
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@X_2WayVampAngel69_X@xanga - LOL You need a list to confirm that he is the one? Every relationship is different… and you shouldn’t rely on other people to tell you that your man is the one you should be with or want to be with. That’s just young, petty love…. NOT the real thing.
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well, there’s just a little problem with the money part…
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this is so right.
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I wonder..what if he loves you and doesn’t do any of these things
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my man is definately the one. thanks for this; it was a cute idea and showed me how amazing he is! i dont agree with the money thing tho; we barely have any and we are still happy. <3
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@Murphy_Rants@xanga - YAAAAAY
sunflower / 320 posts
you’re somehow trapped; you’ve been pinned down and there isn’t any escape.
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This is more of a “Datingish” post. Why is it on “Lovelyish”?
@recoveringforme@xanga - This.
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I had a guy like this. He still would be like this, but we’re not together anymore. I think it’s important that women realize that even if a guy does all these things and “qualifies” to be the one, he’s not the only one who needs to do this things. Women, pull your weight too! Otherwise, he will get sick of giving for nothing and he will leave.
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i’m glad i read that. i worry a lot over arguments, they seem to spell the end of a relationship for me all the time. i think my response to “fight or flight” is flight i guess..finding the one means i’ll tame that into fighting to save my relationship -which is what i’m doing with my current boyfriend. i hope he’s the one (: i think we’ll grow into a fantastic couple.
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He’s got it all, except he isn’t the greatest with saving money (:
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I think I’ve got these, but not exactly (most of the time) #4. I want it..
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Bf does all of the above…and then some.
The “relaxed” part is amazing. I always felt nervous around my exes, because they tended to be older or more irritable. When I met my bf, it was like he turned my entire world upside down. There’s this amazing sense of comfort and I’m always at ease around him. He also has this feeling, and addresses it every so often.
He’s the one for me! :3
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - My boyfriend and I have a goodnight speech, too! It gets to the point where if either of us don’t hear it before bed (if someone pulled an all-nighter and passed out or something), either of us will call and leave a voicemail saying it. We never miss out on it!
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wow. according to this list, my ex was not the one at all.
but i still have hope. maybe one day.