These songs aren’t just sexist. They’re idiotically sexist, where the offender’s first affliction is stupidity, and his second one is being a sexist prick. And while it’s true that all sexism (or racism, or any offensive “ism”) is rooted in stupidity, there is some forms of sexism and racism that are uncontrollable, or are stopped once identified…ones that we study and are fascinated by, using it to understand one another and ourselves to a greater capacity. But this sexism is just straight-up stupid, contributing nothing to society except ammo for the arsenals of similarly idiotic sexists the world over. Even if you like that beat, and you (OK, I) scream along with it while driving when it comes on the radio, there is something about some music that is just not right, and here are five examples of how, what, and why.






Colbie O’Donis, “What You Got.” Message:
Ayo girl, why you always tawkin’ about whatchyu got?! You know ya so hot you don’t even have to open your dainty little mouth! That’s not what it’s there for (hehehe-HIGH FIVE BRO!)… But for real, who cares about what you have, or what you want to have. Those things are just things, they’re materialistic, they have no intrinsic value, just an imaginary one, and therefore dedicating your life to that ish is hella shallow, biddy. There’s no less attractive feature than shallowness, and that’s precisely why you should drop it as one of your characteristics-what’s the point of a female’s existence if not to attract a good man, who-only because you’re hot-will teach you how not to be shallow, like him!

Why He’s A Moron: Dumb guys the world over are constantly looking to invalidate and trivialize anything and everything that women talk about-and this just gives them security that their redonkulous mission is worthwhile. Just the other day I saw a friends status update questioning why women compliment one another, and how fake they all are and how they only do it to feel better about *themselves*. How much of a prick do you have to be to use women complimenting OTHER WOMEN (doesn’t even have to do with you, guy!) to undermine their existence as friendly, social humans and write them off as only doing it because deep down all women hate themselves, and they’re all just looking for validation, which can’t come in the form of other women complimenting them, or in the form of having beautiful things, it can only come from us, men! Silly creatures, just stand their looking hot and we’ll take care of the rest! Thanks but no thanks, bro.




Eminem,
“Love The Way You Lie.” Eminem’s Message: Mannnnn, our relationship is so up and down, Kim. First I’m mad controlling and obsessive, and you keep trying to leave but I then beat you into submission. Good times. Oh! And oh yeah-you love it, so it’s OK.

Why He’s A Moron: When Em first came out I didn’t believe his music to be sexist. I still know every word of his first two albums which I memorized in my middle school glory ten years ago, and at the time I wrote off the blatant hatred of all women as simply his anger, towards one woman. Therefore-it wasn’t actually about a man obsessively trying to own a woman, it was one partner in a relationship being pissed at the other partner. I understood that in middle school. Who hasn’t had a heartbreak that made you wish you could kill the person who did it to you? Or at least hurt them as bad as they hurt you. But it’s been 11 years since that first hurt came about. It’s been 2 marriages and divorces from the same woman. It’s been multiple songs and a two bona fide movie stars-Brittany Murphy and Megan Fox-portraying her on film. And you’re still not over it? *Cue Mariah voice* That’s called being dangerously obsessive and controlling. And to write this awful song, 11 years later, about a woman who loves to burn, and say it’s based on your relationship with Kim-a woman who apparently loves to get far away from you-is sexist, and delusional. And it’s excusing all your past violence. And to have Rihanna on it is sickening, and implicitly excuses another man’s past violence as well.

But I can’t help but love Em. He’s so talented, and I know he’s a smart guy. But dude failed 9th grade thrice before he dropped out. It’s reasonable to say he has the maturity of a middle schooler, and that’s perhaps why we all warmly keep him on a pedestal, for understanding our middle school anger when no one else did. But I since grew up, and I can see the message of this song is effed up to say the least. Because of his past fans’ adoration, a new crop of young fans are respecting these messages (Which very well may have solely been put out to ensure his continued success since his comeback, it worked in the past so why not do it again? His first two albums were brilliant but he has a penchant for being quite formulaic-I always thought that’s why he and Mariah would have made the perfect couple.) It’s not artistically worthwhile, and it’s a total sell-out move. You may as well have put out a song with T-Pain on the hook-at least that would only hurt our ears.




John Mayer, “Daughters.” John Mayer’s Message:
Mannnn chicks are so messed up. It must be because of their fathers. Hey fathers, can you please do a better job? I’d really like to be able to bang this chick without getting an earful later on, thanks. Oh yeah, and moms, she keeps bringing you up in her unreasonable female rant sessions. So seriously, for the sake of boners everywhere: be good parents. That’s the only reason.

Why He’s A Moron: Maybe if you didn’t have the creepy line “Girls become lovers who turn into mothers,” this song wouldn’t be the most gag-inducing song the world has ever seen. Besides the fact that the girls you date are probably just messed up because THEY’RE DATING YOU (whether it’s whatever caused them to want to date you, or just being around you that makes them messed up is up for debate), no father or mother will be good to their daughters if it will lead to you banging them. Ever. Dumbass.




Lloyd Banks, “Beamer Benz or Bentley.” Lloyd Banks’ Message: Mannnnn I’m so hot and bad-ass, I got so much money in my pocket. That’s why you should bang me. Oh, I make no mention of giving you that money, in fact it seems that I’ve spent all that money on nice cars which I’ll use to take you home, where you’ll be gang banged and then sent on your way! I’m so fly.

Why He’s A Moron: I remember hip-hop back in the day, where Biggie and Jay-Z would flaunt their sexism, Jay would pay chicks madddddd money to be with him, and accept his sleeping around; and B.I.G. would spend mad dough on elaborate parties, so chicks be writing letters that they miss him. At least the sexism lay in the notion that women were gold diggers, and that was the only thing wrong with them. At least both those rappers admitted that they needed and loved women in their lives, and because of their respective ugliness, money was the only initial attractor on their side. At least, coming from the hoods that they boasted about, it was likely that those chicks, just like them, would do anything for the money.

Now hip-hop is riding the outline of that pimp motif, without any of its innards that made it somewhat palatable to its more civil, pimp-free consumer base. “I don’t handcuff you could get the whole damn crew,” as though it’s a favor to us?! I don’t deny that sometimes the idea of having sex with several different men is hot-but not one after another, with not one of them presumably looking out for my pleasure. A guy can’t get it up ten times in a night, so how could a woman? Just because we don’t have boners, doesn’t mean getting turned on doesn’t work the same way, the same amount of times, in one night. We’ve all seen (OK, maybe just I have) pornos where girls get the whole damn crew, and it’s never the beautiful vision of multiple-guy-on-one-girl sex it is in our (OK, my) fantasies. What Lloyd playfully offers the girl is a ride in a nice car to a gang-rape. No girl wants that, but will this song make girls feel they need to want that in order to get fly guys? The song’s pretty f*ckin’ stupid, but young, hormonal teenagers can be stupider.




50 Cent, “Baby by Me.” 50 Cent’s Message:
I will bend over backwards (so to speak) to please you sexually. I will give you the world. I will be the perfect lover and man to you. And oh yeah, my stupid ass chorus: have a baby by me baby be a millionaire.

Why He’s A Moron: Listening to the song with a hot beat and a sweet sounding hook reminiscent of great 90′s RnB, it’s hard to call 50 a moron. But it’s that one repetition he threw in there, a throwback to original hip-hop sexism, Biggie’s “I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby, baby…” and a nod to John Mayer’s own disgusting mention of girls he’s banging having babies, and relating it to his desire to bang. It’s pretty sexist if you think that all women are good for is a good shag, but it’s somehow even dumber if you bring up that other thing they’re historically known for: popping out babies like it’s nothing. Regardless of the fact that women have so much more value than that-it’s gross! And it’s unnecessary! That’s the only part of this wonderfully steamy song (when hip-hop is truly sexy, it can take you beyond any other genre of music) that people will remember! Repeating it that way, like it’s a mantra for chicks to memorize…*ick*.

Don’t ruin a hot track by making your audience imagine you raising a child whose mom you talked publicly about tonguing the ish out of, Fif! COME ON, dude! That’s f*ckin’ stupid.
What are some other idiotically sexist songs, in your opinion?