Does your guy complain that you’re smothering him? It’s not always your fault. We women get clingy for a reason: when we’re feeling insecure about our relationship. If your guy is making you question where you stand with him, it’s probably a good time to re-evaluate if this is a healthy relationship for you. But if you feel that the urge to smother is all on your side of the table, check out these 4 ways to kick back, relax and give you both some room to breathe, sister.

1. Initiate plans less. Put down the Blackberry and let your guy call the shots. If he’s the one planning dates, he’ll feel more manly because he’s the one doing the work to woo you (old-fashioned, yes, but true). Don’t ask him to hang out every night and pout when he can’t; he’ll value time with you more when it feels like a fun opportunity as opposed to a chore.

2. Give him space to work on his hobbies and hang out with his friends. Focus on your own life outside of the relationship. Do you like yoga? Seeing movies with your girlfriends? Volunteering? Do those things with gusto, without always checking in with your BF first, and encourage him to do the same. When you are both cultivating your own rich independent lives, you’ll have more to talk about and bring more to the table when you are together, and you’ll have so much fun pursuing your own interests that you won’t be stressing about what he’s doing right now.


3. Trust him more (unless your instincts are telling you not to). If your guy says he needs a weekend away with the guys, believe him. If he says he went to happy hour after work, say, “oh, awesome, hope you had fun!” as opposed to “was that slut from marketing who keeps hitting on you there?” Try to stress less about external factors that might affect your relationship and give your man some space.

That said, women’s instincts are usually right on the money, and if you’re getting that deep-rooted feeling in your gut that he’s lying to you, don’t quash it. But otherwise, try to relax and take him at his word until he gives you reason to suspect otherwise.

4. Be aware of what you say and do. “Why didn’t you call when you got off work?” “Where were you last night? You didn’t answer my text right away.” “Let me know when you get home so I know you’re safe.” It’s the little sentences we drop that can scream loud messages to guys; in this case, “I’m your mom and you need to let me know your whereabouts at all times, mister.”  Pay attention to the message you’re sending with your offhand comments, and you might be able to avoid communicating that you’re needy and uptight if you’re truly not.

Have you ever been the “clingy girlfriend,” Lovelies? Or maybe you’ve had a clingy boyfriend!