I think Twitter is the greatest thing since sliced Facebook. The 140-character limit enforces the old maxim that brevity is the soul of wit, and you should definitely check out these 5 Twitter comedians who don’t even need a 2 cup of coffee minimum.
Stephen Colbert (@stephenathome) – Not surprisingly, Stephen Colbert’s Twitter is hilarious.
- nintendo just unveiled a handheld, 3-D gaming system. i already have one of those – it’s called a deck of cards.
- since barack obama is in the video, the “it” in “whoomp, there it is” must be socialism
- when pizza’s on a bagel you can eat pizza any time. i would eat mine in 15th century florence. oh, the intellectual flowering
I have the best grape recipe. Step 1: Have grapes fed to you by a harem of belly dancers. End of recipe
Tim Siedell (@badbanana) – Tim Siedell (his avatar, above) is an average joe from Nebraska, but he’s shot to Twitter fame, and he’s now writing for the Huffington Post and being featured in magazines like Paste!) by posting the funniest random one-liners in the country. Seriously, every single tweet has me doubling over in my cubicle.
- Google just returned 3,250,000,000 results for my search. Cancel my afternoon appointments.
- Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
- (on the oil spill) Mud and cement to block a spewing hole? If this works, let’s try it on something big like Glenn Beck.
Rob Huebel (@robhuebel) – A TV writer who’s worked on the Daily Show, Conan O’Brien and Best Week Ever, Rob Huebel’s tweets are as off-color as they are gut-punchingly funny.
- If anyone knows how to increase the size of my penis or where I can buy cheap viagra or a rolex watch, please email me every day about it
- If I had my own live sex web-cam biz, I’d just be sitting there watching the Laker’s game tonight and my customers would be mad.
- ATTENTION FOOTLOCKER EMPLOYEES: You’re not actually referees. And you can’t tell me what to do
- I don’t ever want to be the type of guy that gives friendly back massages to other dudes
Caprice Crane (@capricecrane) – A novelist and TV writer, Caprice makes trenchant observations about society and pop culture and Ke$ha.
- I’m sure Toy Story 3 is a fun movie, but if I want to see plastic get old, I’ll just hang around LA and wait.
- In Rio Grande, 5K pounds of weed mixed with broccoli was seized. Someone really, really wants you to eat your vegetables.
- Today my 4 year old son told me I was fat. I just said, “Oh yeah? Well, I slept with your mother”.
- Aloha means hello and goodbye, yet when I say aloha it means, “I’m a dork”.
- Is it possible to say Worcestershire Sauce and not sound like you need to take a breathalyzer?
- Air conditioning! My buddy! How have you been? Oh yeah, sorry for what i said about “cold air” back in February. I was drunk.
Who would you add to my list, Lovelies?