Lovelyish

that was a disrespectful thing to do…Sorry…I don’t think her atire qualifies as “looking your best” lol

you draw the line at things like funerals and family functions…

I think dress attire for family function’s falls under “moderate” as well; then again, I think dress attire for every day life, besides the privacy of your own home, should be moderate. 

Just saying.. 

No… you wear black appropriate clothing at a funeral….it’s inappropriate and downright rude to dress over the top or like you’re doing well at a funeral.  Because truth be told – if you care about the person, you’re not.  And you shouldn’t bring someone who can’t be courteous like that too.

The only time you don’t have to look your best is slumming around the house or just waking up.  Not saying you need to wear the full set of makeup when you go to walmart or anything, but shit, don’t look like the cat mangled your head.

@haloed@xanga - It really depends on the culture when it comes to appropriate clothing and color.

@methodElevated@xanga - Oh yes, my bad, I agree with that, I know some cultures do…red?  Or is it white?  I just think you should follow dress code according to the family… not wear some raunchy belly dance outfit >.<

I think that it is clear that this girl wanted the attention on herself but the fact of that matter is that it was your Grandmother’s funeral and the attention should have been on HER. I know that different cultures have different traditions.. and maybe this woman wasn’t aware of American traditions, but wouldn’t her date have known better? I mean come on, there’s really no excuse. It’s about respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. 

In what rare situations would “looking your best” include wearing a belly dance outfit? Sorry, I can see a few (like perhaps a wedding in which this was part of the culture/traditions of the couple), but a funeral would almost NEVER be one of them.  That was totally disrespectful to your great-grandmother.

Dress appropriate to the situation.

In this instance, the girl totes should have dressed better. But I think if you’re talking in terms of, say, a family reunion, then it doesn’t matter. My family is very laid back and it has to be a message from God to get them out of jeans. In that case, we would be more likely to gossip about somebody who dressed up to come to a family gathering.

But funerals/weddings, yeah, it’s always better to be dressed nicely.

@haloed@xanga - White is the color of death in most other places around the world, from what I understand.

Well, it depends on the family “tone” but at funeral, if nobody told you to dress up “joyfully”, it’ better to dress up formal (black, with sobriety…).

Looking good is not bad, but sometimes it’s better to look  more casual.

you can always look your best.

slutty and sexy isnt the same.

I guess it depends on the family as to their chosen funeral attire, but unless told otherwise I think anything other than standard mourning attire (black, white, whatever your mourning color is) is completely inappropriate and disrespectful.  But since I don’t know the woman in question, or her situation, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say I don’t think she meant to offend.

You should always look your best. But it should always be an outfit that fits the situation. Looking your best doesnt equal looking outlandish/inappropriate.

 But we should give the benefit of the doubt that this person didn’t do it to offend. She might not have known that she was going to be taken to a funeral untill last minute. Who knows. Whoever this chick was, was wrong to wear something like that to a funeral, but how about the people who are talking trash about her? That doesn’t make them any better, to talk trash about other people when your suppose to be remembering someone else, spending time with family.   

I think “looking your best” is the right question here is more about the appropriateness of an outfit for such an occasion…That being said I think that that particular described outfit was inappropriate and a little disrespectful actually.

“Belly dancing” attire, or anything that bares the belly is innapropriate for a funeral… Unless there was some kind of theme or whatever, but let’s not get into that ridiculousness.

In this culture, in American culture, and European, and whatever else culture I know of… No one wears revealing clothes to funerals.  It is inappropriate.  We go to remember the dead or grieve,or send them to the next life whatever, but we don’t go as eye-candy… Or if you DO you’re WAY more subtle and classy about it… Sorry, it’s just not right.

Funerals, weddings and the like should not be “at your best” clothing worthy. You need to wear modest, suitably colored clothing, I think.

welllll…. i had this family member that died i was young didnt know the person at all, but all i know is that when i lived with my gma in South Carolina i went to a lot of funerals, but there was this guy named Bernardi, flamboyant and gay wore a florescent green tube top and black skinny leather jeans… he came to pay his respects he got crazy looks but everyone let it slide because we all knew the dead person would have wanted him there, i think its the thought that counts, and NOT everyone is in their right mind either

Hmm, well I think there’s a difference between “looking your best” and “trying to stand out.” A funeral, esp one at which you are a guest and not a family member, would be a time to play it safe. Better to look a little boring (modest skirt, sweater, black shoes) than to distract people and draw negative attention.
When my husband & I got married this summer, his sis-in-law was 3 months pregnant, and I guess she thought that gave her the right to wear whatever she wanted. She wore a dress and sandals to the wedding, but between the wedding and reception she changed into sweatpants and an old ratty t-shirt!!!! She was standing up at the buffet with the bridal party and the rest of our family, in front of all the guests, dressed like she was ready to clean the house or go to bed!! I was pretty annoyed by that… her dress from the wedding was loose-fitting and probably not uncomfortable anyway, but if she wanted to change, couldn’t there have been something in-between? Maybe khaki capri pants and a colored shirt??

@haloed@xanga - Not necessarily do you have to wear black. My mom wore an peach colored dress to her father’s funeral. I don’t think my grandpa would’ve wanted her to wear black, either, really. I know I’m going to wear peach (my mom’s favorite color) to her service one day, I’d rather celebrate her life than mourn it with dark colors. Also, in some countries, white is a color of mourning. So I’d say color isn’t really nearly as much of a concern (unless you look like Pepto Bismol threw up all over you, or a traffic cone) as the actual clothing itself. I would wear something like an almost knee-length dress/skirt and a simple top. It’s definitely not an occasion to try to stand out, you’re there for somebody else. I’d be offended if some lady showed up looking like a belly dancer. At least some. :/

i would have been offended. belly dancing outfits tend to be festive, and a funeral is no time to be festive (unless the deceased has asked that their funeral be a celebration of their life, rather than a mourning). and it probably would have seemed like she was trying to call attention to herself, rather than the deceased.

I don’t think “looking your best” equals ”bellydancing attire”. When I “look my best”, it means that i’m wearing a great outfit (great jeans, a great skirt, some really awesome boots, etc.) Outside of a belly dancing classroom or a location where it is socially appropriate to wear belly dancing garb, it would be viewed by most ppl as a costume. And idk about you, but I don’t usually wear a costume to a funeral. The smokey eye is not such a big deal to me as the outfit ur referring to. But the title is misleading, cuz of course, its always appropriate to look my best. Should I go out of the house looking like shit to make others feel better or to not show off?

you can still look your best and dress moderately.

always depends on the situation. sigh. you don’t need to “look your best” at the gym or the pool. hmph.

Wow… Yeahhhh, belly dancing attire will always be inappropriate at a funeral. My gosh!

hmm seems a bit odd but what was her cultural background??…belly dancing outfit? was she from india or something? I am not familiar with their funeral practices but maybe this is what she thought was appropriate to wear….

But I feel like if I saw her at my grandmothers funeral Id prob be like
…wtf??
and my mother would be like…
oh hell no.

ummm there is a difference between looking “TRASHY” and “your best”.

i think this article needs a new title

I don’t think she was looking her best, she was just being inappropriate.

I definitely wouldn’t consider the girlfriend’s bellydancing clothing as “looking your best.”  When in doubt, ask!   Certainly her boyfriend will know how his family is like.  But then again she should have the common sense to dress modestly to a funeral, no matter what color is appropriate for the family’s cultural heritage.  I have met many people of different cultures and none of them would express that wearing revealing clothing to a funeral be appropriate.

Yeah, that seems a little out of place… I think the only time it’d be okay is if the person who died was a avid belly dancer? haha

Can i just say to everyone commenting that this lady might have thought that her attire WASN’T trashy? Good job at missing the point.

I was asking if someone thought they looked nice, when in reality they didn’t, would you be offended? Hence the quotes around the words looking your best. Her opinion of nice and YOUR opinion of nice are obviously different. Did I think she dressed appropriately? No. The question was would you have been offended. With that being said, the title makes sense.

bytheway, she was American and in her early 30′s.

that’s really weird, maybe she is a belly dancer or something like that but even so every once in a while you have to have an interview or meet your SO’s parents… so you need something conservative.

maybe she didn’t have black, and didn’t realize that when that happens before a funeral, you just go to target or make do with subdued colors.

Some wise person said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

My mother’s club had its monthly meeting at our house one time when I was still in grade school and one elderly lady, friend of the family, remarked that “you never know when you’re going to meet your next husband” during a discussion along this line. Everybody laughed, but I heard it repeated several times afterward. Words to live by?

I wouldn’t have been offended. But, at the same time, I wouldn’t have been surprised if others were. Whether its her first funeral or not makes little to no difference, really. You still have a basic idea what to wear, and what not to wear. Sure, that still leaves a lot to the imagination, but it gives you a guideline to go by, and a belly dancing outfit is not among them.

While I wouldn’t have been offended by what she wore, I also wouldn’t feel bad for her for getting gossiped about and whatnot. She is either very stupid or very uncaring of what others in this very personal setting who are actually related to and knew the person the funeral was being held for, and in either case I can’t feel sorry for someone in this sort of situation. I figure they get what they deserve. Perhaps your grandmother’s brother should’ve mentioned to her what might be appropriate to wear and might not.

But, I can’t imagine this woman didn’t realize what she was wearing would be viewed as inappropriate, its just more likely she didn’t care. I don’t know her, but I can’t imagine an outfit like that being put on by accident without realizing what it would look like. She was just showing off.

And, you can look your best without looking like a tramp.

At a funeral, you should not be showing your belly.