Lovelyish

agreed.

but this comment will mostly be about how redonklulously hot that plus-sized model is.

This makes sense.

I emphasize on having a natural body shape that requires sacrifice.

I’m naturally athletically framed.

So I either sacrifice having boobs and being fit or have boobs and look bulky :/

Yes and thank you!

A healthy body is a beautiful body.

This is a very very well written post.

Everything is a double standard. Overweight women are going against what women want; stick thin women are going against what men want. 

All we can do really is just like who we are.

your measurements don’t seem indicative of a weight problem, unless you’re like, four feet tall.

mine are something like 40-25-33 and i’m nowhere close to overweight.

can’t be any truer. the double standard of being skinny and having womanly curves isn’t naturally possible, unless you’re o_o miraculously blessed. lol.

I’m not skinny nor curvy.

im not skinny, but im nowhere near chubby. at 33-24-33, iv ebeen told i have a very curvy hourglass figure. and i have boobs and and ass. maybe not a DD, but i definitely have a rack.

i quite like the post. it’s quite well written and logical in it’s reasoning.

i personally have a small framed upside-down cone shaped body: tall with broader shoulders, a considerable chest, small waist, narrow hips, and next to no bum. in order for me to be curvy, i would have to gain a significant amount of weight, and even then, i wouldn’t have curves in all of the “right” places.

in the end, i prefer being on the thinner end of the spectrum because it’s more comfortable for me. i can deal with having no hips or ass, because i try to dress to flatter my figure. men may think they want a particular body type, but they are so easily fooled by the right outfit.

Amen, sista.

Agreed. I need to lose some weight, but I also don’t want to lose my curves in the process! However, I think being healthy should ALWAYS come first. Say you lose weight and do lose your curves…there will still be men out there that appreciate that shape. Being healthy is attractive! Besides, I know at least one guy that has expressed his preference for small-framed, not-so-curvy women.

That does make a lot of sense. Recently, my kid sister kind of bloomed. She’s short, but has this Kim Kardashian look about her. Boobs, butt, curves. What’s humorous to me is: I’m more upset about her growing up than my parents. And I believe I’ve scared off a few of her would be preteen suiters. Lmao. But yeah, nothing wrong with how you are.

You said that very well. And I agree to a certain point. I hate that double standard thinking where you have to have curves whilst still being skinny.

I have always had a small frame and have always been underweight since the day I was born. Before I even knew the definition of eating disorders, I would always hear adults around me saying that I never ate or how to make me eat. For a while I assumed it was just because of my small frame so I thought nothing of it, and tried to eat as much as I could. Even that didn’t help, I sitll got the same remarks. After a while I started liking those remarks because they ‘defined’ me.

So I choose to be skinny now, for me I find I function better. I won’t ever have the curves though and definately not in the right places. It’s like you pick one of the other. Having the best of both worlds is way too hard to achieve.

Yeah, I know what you mean.  Not all women have perfect hourglass proportions.  Some women *can’t* have curves in the “right” places without becoming overweight.  Although we have a good deal of control over how much fat vs. muscle we have, we have virtually no control over how that is spread around.  It’s a kind of depressing fact sometimes.

@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - what she said

that model is gorgeous!  And i bet you are too )

I agree with this.  We really need to just push for women to be healthy, no matter what size or shape.  We are all beautiful in our own right no matter what, it’s just better for us if we are healthy.

Wow, I am pleasantly surprised by the feedback I have gotten on this post. Thanks so much, everyone.

For quite some time, I’ve tried to explain my argument to other people, and especially to many commenters on blogs, but I’ve been unable to get a word in edgewise and I am very appreciative to have people reading this who finally actually understand what I’ve been meaning to say.

To be honest I have actually never thought about it like that. You are so right. I struggle everyday tyring to love my body for what it is. I am not thin nor am I fat, but I have no curves at all so I am constantly being harsh on myself for that and I am always tyring to starve myself hoping I would get those curves men like.

I completely know where you’re coming from. I’m a bit thicker, and would like to be skinnier but at the same time I don’t want to lose my boobs and ass. I think its important not to think about what men want and love yourself completely first. Who gives a shit what men want! Its OUR bodies.

@Coke0@xanga - Thanks for the inspirational words…I know that it’s foolish to care so much what men may think about my body, but I’m 21 and have no experience with dating or sex at all. Some of my peers have made some very emotionally harmful and/or underhanded comments about how very few men would consider me attractive, and I can’t say it doesn’t bother me. I’d like to say that it doesn’t, but I’m beginning to wonder if everything they’ve told me may be true.

@courtneyabigail@xanga - This is why I don’t eat solid foods for days at a time as well. I think that if I get to be thin enough that I can “build from scratch”, or at least not be fat.

I understand that eliminating solid food for a period of time and calorie restriction may be unhealthy, but in a sense, I’ve begun to enjoy doing it. I’ve always been prone to extremes, and refusing cravings makes me feel as though I’m somehow in control. I think that if I become thin enough, I can just re-attempt to gain weight in the more appropriate areas, and sometimes I even just want to make a social statement. Other times, I just consider cosmetic surgery and how to find a reliable means and resource of doing so.

I’m certainly not trying to glamorize these measures to which I resort, and I honestly don’t ever wish anyone to ever feel as insecure as I do currently…but I want to get as many people as I can to understand my ideas.

it’s funny how we all want what we don’t have… i’m naturrally like these women you describe, the jessica rabbit type and I started dieting to loose all the curves. developed an eating disorder in the end…

@AirFever@xanga - Well, AirFever, I just would like to let you know that I, by any means, am attacking you for your body type, or anyone else’s for that matter. I’m sorry that you felt the need to resort to an eating disorder to feel accepted, and I hope that you overcome your insecurity. It’s much easier to be said than done, but no-one deserves to feel unaccepted for something over which they have no control, and that there is nothing wrong with to boot. 

Ultimately, any culture can include such assholes, who act as though they are never satisfied, as if they’re in such a position that they’re the supreme authority on what’s beautiful and what isn’t.

Good luck, though. Seriously.

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THANK YOU! I’ve always thought this too. It’s not weight alone that has ever given me problems, but rather how I carry it. If I weighed fifteen pounds more than I do now and looked like, say, a 1950′s vixen, of course I wouldn’t complain. But the chances of eye-appealing measurements, like you said, are even smaller than the chances of being naturally thin. I tried to explain all this in a comment once but I’m not sure anyone got it, so once again, thank you.

I hate it how curvy is somehow associated with fat these days… they’re two very different things! You can be curvy and healthy as you can be skinny and unhealthy!

As long she has enough flesh on her to hug without crushing her delicate bones, I’m ok. If she has more of her to hug, then it’s all good. I don’t go for the thinspo. Fuller figured ladies are fine in my books.

I like this post. It’s well written, thank you for writing it!

I have the same problem.. I’ve always carried weight in the right places, (boobs, butt, hips) but I also carry weight in my arms as well .. Any woman knows that the arms are an area you don’t want to carry weight in so when I decided to loose weight there, all of the attention I got from men was gone.. I would even have men make comments like “where did your ass go??”, “were you always this skinny?”.. Needless to say,  it made me pretty self conscious.. When I’m thinner, men don’t really bother with me and when I’m heavier, I feel like all women think I’m fat and I can’t wear cute sleeveless things. It’s lose lose.

As long as you like who you are, screw anyone else. Don’t base your judgments on your body by what you think men prefer. If your natural body type won’t allow you to become a certain shape, then learn to work what with God gave you. I’m happy you wrote this, I empathize, really. =) Good luck.

i’m skinny, lack certain curves, but i love my waist and ass. it’s all about appreciating what you have. 

I honestly believe that as long as you are active and healthy, you look great.  Not all guys want the same type of girl.  Some guys like the skinny as a stick girl, while others like her with more flab around the waist or like the curves and the volume.    I know it’s hard to believe, but there are great and gorgeous guys who would like a curvy girl, and others who want the ideal slim girl.

if you are happy with the way you look and you walk around like you are proud then people will respond to you the way you want them to. Its not the BODY that makes you its the way you PRESENT it. BOdy language. If you feel uncomfortable then it will def. come off as you are uncomfortable and people especially Men pick up on that.

what I got out of this was that you are over weight because you want curves? and you want curves because thats what society/men says is beautiful?? If you are unhappy change it. Dont be something you dont want to be and def dont be something the media says it wants you to be. you will find a man who likes you for your naturally small petite frame. and he will be worth waiting for. and correct me if I am wrong, A LOT of men like small petite girls….

You define who you are noone else.

yeah i completely agree with this!
i’m at on the higher end of my weight class with a butt, hips, but small boobs.
when i was more athletic i lost virtually ALL of my boobs and most of my butt/hips.

so i feel i struggle between having the curves guys like or being thinner and able to wear a lot more clothes. HA

What you think men are attracted to shouldn’t dictate what size you try to be… be your self…

Ladies, you are all beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!! 

@CadaverineIX@xanga - i didn’t say i feel unaccepted, lol. neither did i say i feel insecure. it’s just that your post reminded me once again that everyone wants something they don’t have.

This entire post is overgeneralization

“I realized that men don’t like overweight women”

Insert the word “some” and you’ve got the real truth.

Furthermore, there have been blogs about curvy women, about skinny women, about healthy women and about “tube shaped” women, each claiming that they are just as real as the next; so the only logical conclusion is that — no one is attacking you.

This blog seems to be written, not because someone said something to you, but because you feel something about your body type as a whole.  Everyone has a different body type, and somewhere out there is a man who is more attracted to that body type than anyone else.

Who cares about what men want?  And unless you want to be a model or a porn star, why try so hard to measure up?

Love yourself first.  I hear over and over that confidence is the sexiest thing…work it.

When people say “men like curves” it just means most of them don’t like stick figure bodies like models.

Haha, no I don’t. But I see what you’re saying.

I hate this. I believe true beauty is accepting your body for the way it is and just being healthy and happy with yourself. I think us women should come up with some measurements and requirements that guys need to meet. They should be lean but not too lean and have a six pack but not too muscley. lol lets see how that would make them feel.

So you sacrafice your health because you feel discriminated against? The guys who care about your body aren’t the kind of guys worth dating.

Lol men ask too much and it shouldn’t be a bother to anyone. Personally I think a healthy body is a hot body 

I like it all. Heavy, skinny, curvy, waifish. I have to be attracted to the person first then I can be attracted to the body.

Weird I know, but true.

Kudos

Meh. It depends. A woman shouldn’t look at her body trying to impress EVERY man. The douchebags usually go for a girl who looks like a porn star, meaning small enough frame for nothing to jiggle, but overly proportioned secondary sexual features (aka tits and ass). The not douchebag ones, though, usually have a type they go for. My boyfriend, for example, says he loves everything on me, and I happen to have a swedish/native american squaw body, kind of chubby, really pale skin, but with curves put on over strong muscles. So it’s just a matter of taste, I guess.

The only reason I like posts like this is because that picure of the model is one of the coolest things I’ve seen.

@CadaverineIX@xanga - I know well and also we are taught from very early on that everything we do in terms of our looks should be to please men and then we are given conflicting messages about what these men want, every single day. Trust me, I feel you. It’s confusing and frustrating to be told that you have to look a certain way to be considered attractive, and that anything outside that is unacceptable. I totally agree with what you said about how high fashion doesn’t affect your self esteem, but porn does…I feel exactly the same way! Just remember that you’re still young, and not all men are shallow superficial assholes like this! Your health should come before anything or anyone else. You will find someone who loves you the way you are. You are beautiful, repeat it to yourself!!

@listen_to_The_Pixies@xanga - You’re very welcome. I’m glad that more people than I’d think can relate to this statement.

@phan__tom@xanga - I get that, but this post was ESPECIALLY about men who expect women to be thin AND curvy. It’s very annoying to some of us.

@Werewolf@mancouch - @herzog3000@xanga - Both are fair.

@chelseanataliex@xanga - Thanks for the compliment!!!

@sexncookies@xanga - You’re correct on what I’m meaning to say. I wanted to gain weight with a certain goal in mind, and it’s taken the completely wrong direction, and now I look more out of proportion ever. All I really meant to do was to “fill out”, and now that I’m discouraged, I’ve obtained some very bad habits along the way. I stopped taking care of myself mentally and physically quite some time ago, but I would like to make myself look good again. I miss fitting into my favorite clothes and not having a double chin, but I’ve been hurt and I’m holding grudges, which I believe are restraining my progress.

@FREETOLOSE@xanga -  I can feel this, especially because when I go to my favorite clothing shops, all the clothes I want to get would be way too small for me.

@MsKittyCatty@xanga - I’m definitely myself in most aspects of my life, but I feel as though I’m missing out on a huge chunk of my life, whenever I could be loving it, because of my body image. I feel like I can’t go anywhere without subconsciously comparing myself, and my only experience with a man turned out to be really negative. I’m afraid of a relationship. I’m afraid of being cheated on not only because of my looks but also because of my fear of intimacy. I feel as though if any prospective boyfriend saw me without any clothes on, that he’d be appalled. I really hope that this isn’t volunteering too much information, but this is why I care so much. I’ve known a guy to post incriminating comments about his own fiancee’s body all over some blog where thousands of members posted, and while I find such a degree of humiliation to be disgusting, I’m worried because apparently to many people, it’s acceptable to talk that way about the person you “love”. I don’t want that happening to me.

@P1AutismMom@autisable - @Coke0@xanga - Thank you both very much. Sometimes I think I’m beautiful, whenever I actually take care of myself…when I don’t just wake up, brush my hair, brush my teeth, put on deoderant, change my clothes, etc…but it’s frustrating for me because I just think my body is such a terrible distraction that after seeing me from the neck down, they wouldn’t even be interested enough to look at my face.

@AirFever@xanga - Oh. My apologies. I thought you meant that you starved yourself because you felt uncomfortable with your body type.

@oXSweetAviators@xanga - In reference to your question, I would not like to be a porn star as I think that as a whole most porn stars have estranged families and drug problems, BUT: I want a good sex life, and I want my man to love the way I look naked. However, thanks for the words of encouragement, and you’d be pretty much right about why I posted this. I tend to feel attacked even without anyone directly saying anything negative to me. I feel as though, by comparison, that I’m an anathema to the opposite sex.

@Suppress_My_Love@xanga - That’s fair. I’ve never been THAT thin, but I’m a pretty small person…I’m only 5’1ish with a small bone frame. Even at my thinnest, I had a stomach pooch that I don’t think will ever go away unless I become anorexic or something.

@pear_uh_keet@xanga - I almost missed this post…I tend to gain a lot of weight in my arms, and actually, for me, it’s the most difficult area to lose weight. This is exactly how I feel. No matter which I do, a bunch of people will criticize me for it. I might as well try what makes me feel happy and see what that gets me.

@calisartangel16@xanga - It would seem as though many women are far more lenient toward men’s appearances than most, so long as you’re not an extreme example of fat, thin, or muscular.

@Skyofnew@xanga - Honestly, all I want is someone to love my body and to enjoy coming home to me every night.

@Bubblicious0asian@xanga - Thanks. A healthy body should be a realistically attainable one.

@etjetaime@xanga - Thanks!

@angelwingfive@xanga - You’re a lucky girl to have your boyfriend appreciate your figure as it is. I don’t have many male friends, so I’m overexposed to these douchebag types because I guess I’m out of touch and too much internet, but I really feel that I’m no-one’s type, or at least for now.

@CadaverineIX@xanga - it’s ok. that’s quiet a common confusion among people who only have the media reference about these kind of problems.

@CadaverineIX@xanga - What you fear you create, unfortunately.

I’m  naturally small framed, I have to eat a lot of keep weight on because I keep on losing weight.  I try to eat more so that I can get some curves but I don’t want to change the overall look of my body too much.  It’s pretty much a catch 22.

Then be overweight. I don’t get who your critics are supposed to be. Are you trying to refute the argument that being overweight is always bad? Then they have their reasons for believing so, and you have your reasons for wanting to maintain the extra pounds. Move on with your life.

But I do have to defend women who have naturally skinny, yet curvy figures. I notice this more probably because I watch too much porn. Or I’m too mesmerized by Brazilian supermodels. My point being — embrace what you are naturally, and be happy.

On a totally different note, some personal trainers are out there for the sole purpose of helping women lose weight without losing the curves along with it. Don’t know how it works exactly, but I thought I should put it out there. Modern fitness all the way.

Agreed.

Yes. While I am not overweight, I resonate with what you said about not being affected by the fashion industry so much as the tastes of heterosexual men and the porn industry.

unfortunately I have an hourglass figure. I know that everyone seems to want it, but I hate it. I dont like curves on myself at all. I like the stickley delicate look that everyone seems to label anorexia these days. I am 116 pounds but have hips so I cant fit into size 1 jeans. you can see my rib cage but I still have curves. how does it make sense? I want to donate my curves.

any willing person want them?

I just think people should be healthy. you shouldn’t let yourself go just to become “curvey” because fat people are disgusting. but you shouldn’t starve yourself either to become more appealing. you should be healthy, and if guys dont think you’re sexy healthy well screw them.

maybe us women should become more picky about our men. Its proven scientifically that women are becoming more beautiful and men uglier/the same because men have higher standards on what women they’ll repopulate with but women dont really care about the looks of a guy that much. So maybe we should be just as hard on them about how they look.

see how they like it.

@heaventtonight@xanga - I fail to see what your point is to throw it out there that you like to ogle Brazilian models and porn stars other than to negate everything I’ve been trying to say. So you like to gawk at women with body types that are unrealistic for me? Good for you. You’re just one more person who does. Frankly, I’ve been considering cosmetic surgery, but with college in the way and trying to find a job, that’s not very realistic for me right now either.

Here I thought you were going to provide an actual reason other than throwing it out there that you only like porn stars and Brazilian models. Ugh, whatfuckingever.

I’m not saying that it’s “always bad” to be overweight, and I am not pro-anorexia, but all I am saying is that I’m sick of battling the “middle child syndrome “for my body type. Everything I do to make myself more attractive never gets noticed by men, and it’s just frankly pretty fucking annoying. Everyone just confuses me for a little girl.

 @MsKittyCatty@xanga - I don’t get what you mean by that. I don’t know what I’m “creating”.

@LikeaMothToAFlame@xanga - Well, I’ve completely let go of myself, but I am way past my comfort zone, LOL. Ugh.

I agree that men should be scrutinized as much as women should for their looks. Hell, it’s even one thing to want to screw an otherwise unattractive guy for his personality, but unfortunately, many slobs aren’t even handsome on the inside. Some of the biggest sociopaths I met have landed at least passably pretty girls without even needing to be handsome, or charming. In fact, they’re mostly just really gross and creepy. They don’t think so, though.

@CadaverineIX@xanga - Obviously you’re suffering from a horrendous case of insecurity. Sorry, but I’m not very good at dealing with girls like you, and I don’t plan on doing so in the future. And Brazilian supermodels and pornstars ARE in fact real people. If your body type doesn’t match theirs, then that’s life. I suggest you not try to lecture me when you yourself can’t seem to find the way out of the negativity that you’re trapped in.

So men don’t notice you. So your life is over, you clearly aren’t supportive of other women who actually do get noticed, and you’re contemplating investing in plastic surgery? Are men some kind of gods to you? Did you ever think for a second that a real man would dig you for your personality rather than how much your body resembles a pornstar’s, because you’re right — not every woman looks that way. I won’t get all up in your business and tell you what to believe because that’s your issue to deal with (though it’s an issue all right), but don’t ask for sympathy, honey.

@heaventtonight@xanga - I don’t believe I ever said that they weren’t real people. What I’m saying is that I’m sick of feeling pressured to conform to a certain look that would be almost impossible for me to live up to. Frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck about the poor Brazilian models and porn stars that never struggled with insecurity and spent most of their life enforcing it onto other people. Poor them for having everything tossed into their laps for their sexuality and looks; they’re just treated so unfairly…as if some insecure girl calling out some bullshit double standard on a blog really matters. They can go sob in their million dollar shrines, “because I’m so meen!1!!!1!”

As if they don’t get enough support. They get whatever and whoever the fuck they want. They get enough “support” from someone like me who feels so ugly by comparison that I’m willing to shell out several grand to look like them. Is that not “supportive” enough?

The problem is, men like my personality just fine, but no-one wants to date me. No-one wants to sleep with me, or anything. Why the fuck should I not be angry? I’m just the “nice” or “funny” (passive aggressive) one who no-one wants to touch with a fucking stick covered in moose piss.

I can make friends just fine, but sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to be a little bit more than “cute” or friendly. Really.

get over it. oh no, you’re curvy. don’t place so much importance on how you look; if you do, the men who pursue you will do so as well.

i’m curvy too, and it actually is decently realistic to be curvy. and not “big.” child-birthing hips and nursing breasts? right on. :3

@CadaverineIX@xanga - Well, you’ve certainly used the word “unrealistic” more than once to describe the ideal shape for women, so that would imply that you don’t really believe that a figure like that could come naturally. Hence, women with “unrealistic” figures are not real people. That’s what I got from your argument. Look, I get what you’re saying. I understand the frustration. But it’s about time someone told you that insecurity is way more of a turn-off than not having the body type that you seem to believe is the sole motivation for a man to want to sleep with a woman. I know girls who don’t exactly look like Jessica Alba, but they get laid plenty just fine. I’ll leave it at that. Peace out.

@heaventtonight@xanga - Ugh, no, and you know what I fucking meant. I meant that it’s an unrealistic standard for EVERY woman to be built THAT way. I am 5’1 with a small bone structure, and what I’m complaining about is that it’s recently fashionable to dictate where it’s acceptable to gain weight and where it isn’t. My point in addressing my weight in this article is to demonstrate that some of us can’t gain enough fat in their hips and ass without becoming uncomfortable with my size, not who’s “real” or who isn’t. However, I’m just as REAL and feminine as they are.

@xGirLxWiThxAtTiTuDex@xanga - And your point is? I don’t know how many times I’ll have to repeat myself, but just because you can gain weight in those areas doesn’t mean the rest of us can.

My personality’s fine, and it hasn’t gotten me anything from men. It’s gotten me rejected, humiliated, and forgotten all of the time. Surprisingly, I am a quite decent and intelligent human being despite how I deliver myself online sometimes, but all it’s gotten me was scorned, repeatedly.

i think you’re onto something…
but i just thought it was ironic you said my measurements:)
36-25-40
hahah i just measured the other day…idk i just thought it was a weird coincidence

One of the things I love about being a female and being part of this whole gender is that every woman is different, and that’s beautiful to me.  I love people-watching wherever I go, because I like to see how different woman are shaped differently.  I am finally beyond comparing myself to other woman that look better or worse.  I am completely confident in my own shape and weight, and I don’t judge others for theirs.

I could deal with losing a little weight, because I have a little pooch and some love handles, but no matter how much weight I lose, I never ever have to worry about losing my curves because I’m naturally curvy and “big-boned.”  It runs in the family on my dad’s side–all of his sisters are like Amazons. 

=) and yet women with curves are attractive.

I’m pretty curvy. I don’t have to much of an issue with myself. I’d like to lose a little weight but nothing to extreme. I don’t desire a ‘stick thin’ body. Still, I’m not one of those girls that constantly say, “Real women have curves” & “I’m more woman then you’ll ever be”. I don’t need quotes to feel good about myself & I don’t need to put thin women down either.

agreed, I hate how people in general are about body size.

I findit totally funny because people in my art classes don’t give a crap. There;s this skinny girl in my drawing class and the topic of nude beaches came up, and we were talking about it, and she’s like you should totally be comfortable going to a nude beach.

And there she is, bot attracted to girls, and here I am, 80 pounds over weight (although I’m working it off so I have a curvy figure, not blobby), and she’s saying I should feel good naked, and she would totally be there to stand by me if I ever went to one. XD

oh how I wish everyone shared her opinion…

Young women with extra pounds can get away with it becasue theri waists are usually still smaller than their hips. My wife had a body like this model when we met at 19, but now at 35 everything has expanded and, most of all, her belly. Women who eat enough to be plump in their teens and early twenties often become obese in their thirties and forties.

@carydeeluxe@xanga - Agreed I have no hips or boobs but i got a nice ass and i wear really short shorts to make them oogle ^^