80’s fashion revival has monopolized the style world for a few years now. Things we vowed we’d never see again–Ray-Bans, neon, leggings–are suddenly de rigeur on the runways and on the streets. Need proof? Raise your hand if you’re wearing a pair of skinny jeans right now.
Since fashion is cyclical and tends to repeat itself every 20 years, the next hot decade is destined to be those Nirvana-blasting, “Friends”-watching 1990’s. But while some 90’s styles are timelessly chic (Kurt Cobain immortalized flannel), here are some fashion fads that should stay locked in their rooms watching 90210 where they belong.
1. Crop tops
This picture could be used to illustrate a multitude of things that were wrong with the 90’s, but let’s focus on the bared Spice midriffs. Britney’s granite-hard abs and the popularity of belly button rings convinced us all that shirt lengths should be abbreviated and our navels accentuated. While bared midriffs looked cute on personal trainers and Christina Aguilera, this trend ended up being more than most people could stomach.
In the early to mid-90’s, it was inexplicably cool to wear pacifiers as accessories. Starting with the rave scene and then trickling into homeroom, the pacifier craze pervaded as women paired these toddler trademarks with babydoll dresses and called it a super-chic day. But looking back, there’s only one thing to say about this trend: it sucked.
3. Skater style
Baggy pants, Vans sneakers, Stussy shirts. Cool 90’s kids dressed like they were ready to board; actual skateboarding abilities not required. An outgrowth of grunge, skaterwear took sloppy to new lows as rocker kids sported hoodies and apparently Raged Against the Belt. Fashionable or not, no one wants to see your underwear. Ever.
4. Hair with a million things in it
If you went to prom in 1997 and your updo wasn’t bedazzled with a thousand butterfly clips, you were probably the one skulking solo on the sidelines when “End of the Road” came on. Be it tiny braids, stick-on gems or cascades of crimping, hot 90’s hair was all about embellishment and excess. Let’s jettison the crazy-hair craze and toss out “The Rachel” with it.
5. Goth makeup
In 1997, Marilyn Manson terrified your mom and united sullen teenagers everywhere around Doc Martens, pasty white skin and self-indulgent rebellion against their suburban lifestyles. The Goth look took off, and suddenly everyone had rings in their eyebrows and people like Gwyneth Paltrow were turning up at award shows with vampy lips.
You can leave those chokers stashed in the back of the jewelry box, because hopefully Goth has gone the way of Manson’s desperate-for-attention shock rock.
Is there anything I missed? Which of these trends is the worst? Which wouldn’t you mind seeing revived?