Lovelyish

I want a guy to love certain things about my look (eyes, smile, feet), but I also want him to view me as kind, true to my morals and faith, intelligent, poetic, creative, nuturing, romantic, ambitious and passionate. I want him to find me beautiful on the inside and outside.

~~Mary~~

Curious ….

thanks for subbing!

I want the guy I am seeing to find me physically attractive, but I don’t want him to think of me as a barbie doll who’s just a pretty face with nothing else to offer. I want him to think I am smart, talented (if he doesn’t like my music, I can’t really imagine the relationship lasting), funny (same thing if he totally doesn’t get my sense of humor), passionate, and if he can appreciate my spiritual beliefs, even better. He doesn’t have to be the same religion as I am (I am a Pagan), as long as he respects my beliefs. 

i  want guys to see me as someone smart, funny and pretty… and a bit weird….

but when a guy say i like u coz ur pretty makes me think… if i dont look like that will he still like me(same personality and stuff)

who are you?

why did you add me??

That is not a nice thing to say. I think girls don’t share the same opinion on what type of guy they find attractive. Therefore, it MAY seem that ‘hot girls are dating fugly guys’. PERIOD.

I’d like for guys to think that I’m attractive, but I’d still rather they liked my personality.. (what a cliche answer; sorry)
Completely off-topic, but I find the picture that goes with this blog to be completely adorable.  XD

girls are more insecure i think, and a lot just want A boyfriend and aren’t very picky about who it is. i think a lot just go out with the first one that asks them out. maybe it starts like that and they really do appreciate the boys’ inner beauty, or some shit like that, but that’s my take on it anyway.

looks ARE important whether we like it or not, but they’re certainly not most important.

For a second I thought you were going to start saying that ugly guys couldn’t date pretty girls and I was about to tell you to STFU. But nevermind.

I want a guy that likes me as a whole. It’s one think that for him to like my good qualities, but once he accepts my bad one and embraces me as a whole, then I know that he loves me.

@awokenfatality@xanga - No need to get sassy, though I appreciate your defense. The whole point of lovelyish is that beauty is not skin-deep, so I would never suggest that. I agree that beauty should be holistic — my only concern is that women focus on the good, inner qualities far faster than men do, and I think this is slightly unfair.

Thanks for da add.(=

who r you ?

I want someone to see past my ditzy, clumsy moments. A guy who actually realizes that I am smart and can hold a serious conversation.  Someone who notices my love of laughter and the joy that I see in life.

other than that, I don’t know. xD

usually I don’t think about those things, haha. I guess I just go off of whoever I click with– and it always seems to be “She’s going out with HIM? She’s too pretty for him!” from my friends & classmates, but I don’t care. if there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry.

@Iris - Haha, that’s why I said nevermind. It just greatly annoys me when someone is so shallow, it’s so demeaning and there’s so much more to people than just looks. I agree with you and I have seen this quality and it is slightly unfair.

thanks for the subb.:D

I don’t think that men are all just looking for a ‘hot’ girl

physical attraction is what gets them first though, and same thing with us. if you see a guy you think is dead ugly, you usually don’ start flirting with him or asking him for his numberr.

“If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it seems like the beholder is always male.” lol

Hmm, maybe because good looking guys all take advantage of what they can get by being good looking so they don’t even have to have other qualities. That leaves average males with real qualities for average females, who are the prettier sex anyway.

No really, I think its because males can be happy with just hot bodies and females cannot. We’re needy. You actually have to be intelligent and funny and sensitive…. 

I want a guy to look  past my appearance and see who I really am. I’m a funny, very kind, and caring person. I don’t like hurting people and I know what I’m talking about when I say something most of the time. I don’t want him to make me feel stupid.

Guys are more attracted to good looks, great body, etc. Women look for the inner qualities, that is how it is in our society.

I do agree Why? i think it is because they do focuse in the outside beauty first

i read someplace that guys can convince themselves that whoever they are dating is attractive because they cannot mentally take the idea of dating someone unattractive, but girls are perfectly happy dating someone “lower” on the attractiveness scale. girls will admit to other girls that their SO isn’t that good looking, but a guy will avoid saying that about their SO to other guys.

i think it’s true because if you ask a hot girl why she’s attracted to her fugly SO, she’ll list lots of qualities… ask a hot guy why he’s attracted to his fugly SO and somehow he’ll always manage to be strongly physically attracted to her. LOL (of course there are exceptions to every generality)

…i wish i could remember exactly where i read it! probably a psych article. i thought it was rather funny.

I’d really just want a guy to love me for me. I know that’s the most cliched phrase ever, but it’s really true. I’d just want him to love every single part of me. I did that with my ex, and I’d want that in return.

hahaha, I like to look better then the guy

Girls who date ugly guys show either that 1. They’re vain, or 2. The guy has a great personality. Confidence in a guy is mandatory for me!

<3chelle

I want guys first to appreciate my heart and the kind of commitment I am capable of, and I want them to admire my self-control instead of rag me about it. I want a guy who appreciates my sincerity and genuineness and sees them as assets. I want to find a guy who loves my mind as much as my body, and who is comfortable with my independence. As far as physical features go, I don’t care what they like about me as long as they like me enough to keep me and meet me 100% / 100%.

This is what I think:

In the animal kingdom, there is typically a significant difference between the male and female of any given species.

Peahen for instance literally pale in comparison to the Peacocks we recognize so easily.

Male lions have manes…

Some species of birds have beautiful coloration to attract the other sex. Some birds make nests to prove they are the best.

Some varieties of penguins collect rocks.

In all of these cases it is the male that tries to attract the female.

Human beings have turned it around. Women must attract men, and if a
suitable man comes along – we do our best to capture his eye with the
greatest amount of our beauty possible.

Why we do this… I don’t know

In answer to your question:

I need to be attracted to someone in order to consider them candidates for the father of my future children.

(haha.)

But attraction really doesn’t cover it.

There are other qualities that make or break the value of attraction.

I want to be seen as honest, kind, fun, intelligent, and a little bit
crazy. I want my man to be attracted to me, but in general I don’t care
what people think of me.

Well, the fact is that although we want to be seen as beautiful or at least attractive in some way, we try to find the internal beauty in the man that we are with. It does happen at times that the least attractive male can sometimes be the special, loving, caring and attentive male we wanted to find. Yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and no the ugly ones are not always the best choice!

There’s an old saying that men fall in love through their eyes, and women fall in love through their ears.  In other words, men look at a prospective mate and say “She’s hot”, where women listen to a prospective mate and say “He shares my values, he seems to really like children”, etc.  I think the reason is because of how we, males and females, generally differ in terms of our immediate goals when meeting a prospective new mate. 

Biologically, men are programmed to look for two things: 1.) a “worthy receptacle” for their genetic material who appears healthy enough to carry a healthy child to term (determined by subtle physical cues like waist-to-hip ratio, thick hair, clear skin, full breasts, etc.), and 2.) a woman who is willing to be the receiver of said genetic material.  I think that’s perhaps why men are more likely than women to try to charge ahead and have sex with a woman earlier in a relationship rather than later–if they find her attractive and “biologically suitable” as detailed in number one, then number two is right there, next on the list.  If she’s not interested in receiving his DNA, then, biologically speaking, she’s kind of a waste of his time.  After all, in the animal kingdom (and really, humans are just very sophisticated animals, in many ways), the goal is to have one’s own DNA dominate the local genetic landscape.  To accomplish that, a male needs to have as many healthy offspring as possible. 

Women, on the other hand, historically have had to look to men as the providers and protectors–neither of which has much, if anything, to do with looks.  We look for exclusivity and fidelity because, let’s face it, a man can only protect so many interests before he’s spread so thin as to become ineffectual.  Things like a good sense of humor, being a good conversationalist and being kind help bond a couple and make them enjoy one another’s company.  That bond and enjoyment in being together goes a long way towards insuring that a man will actually spend time at home–again, positioning him perfectly to protect his mate should a sabre-toothed tiger come charging into the cave, or another male looking to spread his own DNA around, too. 

What it all boils down to is this: We’re looking for different things initially, but in the end, have the same eventual goals in mind.  We want a mate who answers our needs and who can give us healthy offspring.  It’s not really any more complicated than that.  A woman is judged more on her looks because good looks send signals a man is biologically programmed to understand.  A man isn’t judged on looks as much because they’re not the primary evolutionary indicators for what women value in a life-long partner. 

I’m not the prettiest girl on the block, but I would rather a guy like me because i’m intelligent, I’m a good friend, and I’m really chill. Looks only go so far, anyway.

To me, the guy doesn’t have to be ALL THAT good looking. I mean if he’s good company, and I can have a conversation with him hours on end, even talking about nothing or random topics, looks are the least of any worries. I’m much more attracted to a guy that is smart haha. cos i’m a smart person myself and if a guy doesn’t understand the vocabulary that’s being used in the conversation, maybe he’s not up to par. haha. that sounds so mean. 

Maybe one view point is that men show off to other men by displaying what they can get for themselves trucks, cars, boats, his girls looks. Wile women might be more interested in in comparing the things her ugly guy can get her clothes, shoes…I wouldn’t know what I am not a girl.

i think that us females like guys for what’s inside more than what’s outside and males like girls for how they look phsically than for what’s inside so it’s like opposite. this is my opinion anyway. i know friends of mine who seem to go for ugly guys and i usually wonder what they see in them. as for me and i know that most people put this answer, i want a guy who like me in the inside and outside. It feels good when they say you look cute but it gets even better when they appreciate what’s inside of you.

                                                Rosie

The way I see it, I don’t really care to look good for anyone. I want to look good for myself because I feel comfortable about who I am. I suppose because of the mass media and culture, girls have more to look up to. But, my thing is, why just not let all that get into your head. And what’s so wrong about “hot girls dating fugly guys?” Perhaps, they see something no one else sees because observers are just observers. It’s the hot girl who’s going to spend her life with the fugly guy, not the observer who will criticize her choices.

Personally, I like to be noticed not because of my “physical attributes”… or at least not for something silly, superficial and not genuine. I really can’t stand it when all a guy can say to me is “you look hot”… it’s so shallow and stupid and really irks me! Besides, 9 times out of 10 I’m dressing for me, not for someone else. Otherwise… I like to be recognized for just being me- my shy, whimsical and generally oblivious self.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - Good point!… if my sense of humor isn’t understood/shared, even a friendship is doomed. I know this because I tried to be friends with someone whose sense of humor I didn’t share… it was, strained, to say the least!

i personally love my eyes, so i want my bf to love them too. other than that i would say i want to be noticed for my sense of humor/wit…

girls, we are usually insecure of oursleves. apparently, the look is always so happens to be the most important. we don’t want to look to fat, we don’t want to look to ugly.., so we try so hard to make us look beautiful so guys can be attractive to us. i think guys they are more “plain.” they just need the right hair cut, and a nice top and pants to make them representable. girls, we have so much work to do. the weight loss, the flabby look in our skin needs to go..etc, but im still think girl have more variety of choices in clothing and shoes…guys are too SIMPLE hahah! no offense guys.

if a girl dates a ugly guy she knows no other girl will want him; in addition he will be loyal because he cant risk losing a sexy girl like her. its win win for the female; duh.

Girls nature to dress up and look pretty
We love attention

Guys that love attention generally dress good too xP

Cause we all love compliments
While guys dont care too much

It comes down to a biological thing most of us inherited thanks to the unfair process of evolution. Whereas for girls, a caretaker who would be loyal and provide for us was the most important aspect-above looks, that is, Men tended to value looks to indicate fertility in women. Thus good looks=fertility value, to a very basic. You know, itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face kinda deal.

“Ladies, what are the qualities (whether they be physical, spiritual, or intellectual) that you want guys to notice and like about you? Gentlemen, same question. Why are girls under so much more pressure to look good than guys are?”

Hmm…I don’t have good things to say about myself…instead of them noticing my qualities..or anything….I’d just wish the guy I like..or dating..or whatever…would accept my flaws instead…

heres waht I think:
girls are very self concious, therefore, it makes you feel more confident if your are going out with someone perhaps less attractive then you are. I know that if I had a hot boyfriend I would always be insecure and worry that I’m not good enough for him, and that he could just dump me and go out with someone else.
Girls are just more sensitive and I think they need ALOT of confidence to be with a good looking guy. I see  REALLY pretty girls who think they are fat, ugly etc.. even when they arent. I think girls in general care more about their own looks then what other people look like. In my opinion a “fugly” boyfriend isnt a big deal, as long as your good looking enough for the pair of you. =)

i find that not so true in my situation

why is everyone saying that girls are self-conscious? what happened to strong, empowered girls?

Pretty much the same as the geeks get the girls in my area. It troubles us, guys….whenever we such things happening. Maybe the girls see a brighter future in them rather than us ._.

Well to answer a question, The reason guys see beauty and it topd thier ist is beacuase whether we like it or not, our physical appearence says a lot! Sub-conciously it relays to the male sex whether we would be healthy mates or not, and if we want them as much as they want us. Example, red lipstick. Sure, almost everybody says that red lipstick is teh univeral color of te revered sex siren…but why? Because red lipstick automaticly clicks with the slightly flushed color of a woman’s ….uhum……body parts during a certain….mindframe/activity. Girls look for a nurturing protecter. Now what do I want my boyfriend to see except my beauty…… the fact that I wash his dishes. Even though I absolutly HATE it.

I feel like a truly Beautiful being when he tells me, “You are not pretty, pretty girls are dumb. You are beautiful, I like who you are.” (in his adorable Korean accent) Or the first time we played basketball together and we were both really sweaty and nasty I exclaimed how I was feeling and his quiet sincere response was, “You are still very attractive.” humm having my hair and makeup look perfect isn’t what’s getting him to commit. Yes it had something to do with getting his attention in the first place, but long term not so much. Neither of us are perfect, I could stand to tone a few spots and his ability to match colours is well…lets not go there, but accepting that we are not “perfect” and we just are who we are makes it fun. By not judging and comparing ourselves to others, we are so much happier!

As the dating expert on xanga, I plan to blog about this. 

i want a man that believes in holistic love and values me and himself

well, our standards of beauty for women are tied to youth and health, both of which influence the fertility of the woman. Our standards of attractivness for men have to do with strength and confidence, which indicate a man who is a good provider.

it’s just evolution. when will we evolve past it?

Guys are visual. This is why they like attractiveness.

i care about beauty the most. personality, intelligence, all that other shit is just mouth candy because looks are what matters. if a guy compliments me on my personality i figure he doesnt like my looks and thats what i mainly crave.

for guys i think personality, confidence, and character matters but i couldnt be with a guy im not attracted to either so he has to have it all!

Your question has a very simple answer.

Men have traditionally been teh bread winners in society, so women look for qualities that can achieve that easily, ie charisma, careeer, etc

Women have traditionally been the breeders (sorry if I sound sexist, I am not trying to be). So looks (indicative of healthy breeding fcapabilities) are sought after.

So say that men are shallow is unfair, because men can say that womena are shallow for looking at a man’s money earning capability.

If you still think it’s unfair, then I assure you that the future will change. Because women are acquiring more earning capacity, they now have more options to chosoe a man not for his wallet, btu for otehr things, such as looks. PLease beaware that over 50% of unievrsity students and medical students are now women.

Look at all of the fitness magazines out there. Listen to a skinny guy get teased for being too skinny. Observe how a man’s body image now pervades western society. Luckily for you, this will only become mroe pronounced as time passes.

yea… well i look for substance within a guy.. the personality.. although the initial physical attraction does kinda matter~  but it’s not as important.  just cuz a guy is hot i wouldn’t be instantly into him so… i guess it’s unfair if guys can feel the same way about girls..

but there are those rare occassions of it being the other way around.  good for them

I dont want a boy to see me as beautiful as i dont think i am

what i want them to see is my personality shining though my sarcasm, my humour, my quick whit and my bubly personality.

For them to like my personality is all i ask, but even at this moment when i get asked out i cant say yes i always say no even when i like them, and most of them have showered me with complements about my looks so maybe thats why i wont beable to say yes until i truley accept myself and say yes im not beautiful but im not that ugly.

what i see in a guy is humour, sarcasm, someone i can have a laugh with, play fight, i dont look for physical features other then a cheeky smile and a blue eyes.

like my name states, im not sure how or why i stumbled upon this site, but i read the article anyway and i felt i should comment, seeing how just about every other comment is from a chick.

first of all, many are correct in saying that the first thing that a guy looks for in a woman is her looks. this is true. i see someone on the street who is blazing hot, she instantly has my attention. but, for me anyway, its not the “oh man i want to bang her!” kind of hot, its like, man, i want to spend time with her and walk with her, show her off to my friends, and admire her beauty all the time. thats how i am.

however, i dated a girl like this once, who fits my description accurately. she was completely full of herself. its ok with me if some women are happy with their own attractiveness (as i am with mine :] ), but when they feel they are better than every other girl around them, and they point this out regularly, and consider ME lucky to have her as a girlfriend… it doesnt fly with me.

so, in essence, many men are, of course, attracted to women by their beauty at first glance. this is called testosterone ladies, we have a lot of it. but after that first glance, and after that first chat, after that first flirt, we start to decide upon a woman by her talents, her personality, her morals, her tastes, and her intelligence. to me, women are more than just a toy to have fun with. they are a jewel to admire.

Now, heres something weird. 

My boyfriend loves me (not in the light sence of the word) and we’ve been together a few years now.He tells me I’m beautiful, but when I ask him what his ideal woman looks like, I fail to meet any of his standards.I don’t know if this guy is good as gold and really loves me for who I am, or if I’m not good enough.

well, it’s not good to generalize, but you can look at the incentives of men and women in choosing partners. for men, perhaps we can theorize that they want to raise their status by being seen with a beautiful woman, while women may have higher standards for their male partners. i.e. for a woman, she may not be satisfied just to have a guy with a pretty face. she may be more concerned with additional factors like income, education, etc.

the other issue is about societal standards/norms of appearance. Most guys would look a lot better than they do if they spent as much time on their appearance as girls did. Many guys may fear the label of effeminacy or foppishness for dressing too nicely or grooming themselves too carefully.

Finally, it really is quite difficult to judge a person’s attractiveness from far away, without talking to them and interacting with them in person. I think this is true in general, but perhaps women tend to advertise their beauty more than guys do. Many guys who look good from far away turn out to be awful once they open their mouth, and vice versa. Just like in girls, oftentimes it’s the case of a hidden gem which requires the trained eye to detect.

appendix: I think my point is not simply that women and men may be conditioned to value different types of traits in their partners, but also that they are conditioned to present themselves in different ways, thus resulting in the visual mismatch you are talking about.

in other words, all things considered, women could have an incentive to exaggerate or overstate their beauty, while men lack the same incentive to emphasize their physical attractiveness, which leads to a trend of ‘pretty’ women with ‘ugly’ men, and not the other way around.

Women take into account the norms and may have more tolerance for a sloppy appearance in men if it is compensated by other factors which attract them. But by no means do I think this means that they prefer ugly men to attractive men or that they don’t care. Women are just as picky as men are about looks, if you were to ask them to indicate celebrities which pass their standards or select good-looking strangers from a crowd this would probably hold up. 

If women all got together and decided they would raise how much importance they placed on physical appearance of men, then men would have no option but to start working harder to look better.  

I don’t know, but two years ago a really awesome (I would hate to say guy, because he is too mature to deserve that title) man showed some interest in me. I could tell he was sincere, and he still is as far as I can tell. He is so good looking its ridiculous; I didn’t do a thing to make myself look pretty, and really didn’t look much better than homely. I have now invested some time in my appearance, but was so impressed to hear that he found the following “qualities” attractive in a girl: modest, shy, doesn’t spend a lot of time on makeup and hair. I suppose he meant it if he liked me. Not all men are that superficial. But he is the only one I ever met that I’ve yet detected. Miracles still happen.

The things I look for in a boyfriend are:
He likes me the way I am, loves me for my flaws as well as my personality and habits. Popularity doesn’t matter to me, as long as he loves me. He sees me the way I am and embraces it, rather than push me away. He sees me in the worst of times, as well as the best, and isn’t afraid to tell me how he feels. A good boyfriend or friend in general should enhance your INNER beauty, not rebuff you for lacking the outer. I wouldn’t want to be known as: “His girlfriend,” I want to be referred to as funny, smart, and competely, utterly crazy. I want to be known as me. What I tend to do when meeting someone is shove my personality in their face and say (not literally) “This is who I am. Take it or leave it.” And I find the ones who take it generally tend to stay a good friend and confider for a really long time.
My boyfriend is all of these things, if slightly clumsy, forgetful, and lovingly foolish at times. He’s not the most attractive guy out there, but he loves me for who I am, and that’s what’s important.

Thank you for listening to me babble. =D